Starting Over Backwards
by DramaLexy
Summary: Season 2, Post-Eulogy. Helen is in danger of losing more than her daughter - can she and John get a second chance? COMPLETED
1. Concerned

**SUMMARY: Helen is in danger of losing more than her daughter - can she and John get a second chance? S2, Post-Eulogy.**

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned Sanctuary...Season 2 would be going very differently. But I don't, so it's not.**

**DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just let me know where first.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first Sanctuary fic; I fell in love after watching the Season 1 finale. The story came from an idea I had after seeing Eulogy, and then I started getting more ideas and it just kept growing and evolving... When I began working on the plot, I realized I had no storyline for Kate (Freudian, maybe?) so I just didn't include her at all. Make up whatever rationale you want for where she went.**

* * *

Helen Magnus sank into her chair in her office and just took a moment to breathe. She and Will had just returned from a rather…interesting trip to bring a new abnormal back to the Sanctuary. They both had bumps and bruises and had gone a couple days without sleep, but their newest resident was now secure in the Shoe.

She looked up at the sound of a knock on her door and smiled as Big Guy came in with a tea service. "You always know," she told her friend.

He set the tray down on her desk and poured a cup for her. "Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Nothing that a good soak in a bath won't cure," Helen replied. "How were things here while we were gone?"

"Quiet."

"Glad to hear it."

"Do you need anything else?"

Helen shook her head. "No, thank you. Have a good night." Big Guy nodded once before leaving.

She turned to her computer once she'd had a few sips of her tea and logged into her e-mail account. There were a few status reports from the other remaining Sanctuaries; she quickly went through those and made notes for who Henry should talk to about security upgrades and who she and Will should contact about logistics. The last message in her inbox was a surprise.

It was from Nikola.

_What pray tell would he be writing me about?_ she wondered as she clicked on the e-mail.

HELEN, I'M SURE YOU'VE RECEIVED WORD OF OUR SUCCESSES WITH THE CABAL NETWORK. MY ATTENTION IS CURRENTLY REQUIRED ELSEWHERE, BUT JOHN IS STILL ON THE HUNT. I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I'M A BIT CONCERNED ABOUT HIM.

That immediately had Helen's attention. In order for Telsa to become even slightly 'concerned' about anyone besides himself, something had to be terribly wrong.

HOPEFULLY YOU'LL FIND HIM BEFORE HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. I LAST SAW HIM IN BERLIN. ~ NIKOLA

Helen read the message again as she finished her tea. She'd had her own concerns about John's behavior even before he left on this quest. In the weeks between Ashley's disappearance and her death, they had spent a great deal of time together searching for her. As she noticed his temper grow shorter and his personality change, she'd tried to tell herself that it was simply the situation that was making him behave that way, but she'd really been deluding herself. She knew the signs of his downward spiral better than anyone else. Just like the first time, she'd refused to admit the truth. At the time, she had needed him too much to allow reality to interfere. But now…

Now he needed her. She could not allow him to become the Ripper once more.

* * *

She got Henry and Will to help with her search, combining detective skills and technical genius. "We started off tracking the latest rumors about the Cabal's demise," Henry explained as all three of them stood around a computer in his lab. "The bodies were like breadcrumbs."

"Leading where?" Helen asked. Henry pulled up a map with markers of the different incidents. If connected like a trail using dates, they led through northern Italy, into Germany – as Telsa had reported – and then westward, ending in England.

"There hasn't been any activity in two days," Will told her. "So either someone finally figured out a way to fight back, or…"

"No, he's there," Helen affirmed. "Where was the last killing?"

Henry zoomed in on the map to give a better view while looking through the notes he'd made on a pad of paper. "The last body was found in – "

"Oxford," Helen said at the same time that he did, having recognized the area on the map.

Henry looked up. "Um, yeah."

Helen started to walk away. "Thank you, gentlemen."

"Where are you going?" Will asked.

"I need to book a flight."

"You can't go alone," he protested, but she just smiled slightly.

"I'll be fine. Henry, can you…?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'll pack you a bag."

"Thank you."

Will glared at the other man once she was gone. "What?" Henry asked.

"We're just going to let her go, alone, to confront a man who's possibly just re-become one of the most notorious serial killers of all time?"

Henry shrugged. "She's the boss. If she says we are then, yeah, we are."

* * *

There was no doubt in Helen's mind that John knew she'd be coming. For all she knew, Nikola had warned him before sending her a message. Depending how far into madness he had fallen, this could likely be a trap, or at the very least it would be a difficult encounter. Nonetheless, she owed it to him – owed it to the man she'd fallen in love with – to do everything she could for him.

She wasn't sure what possessed her to go to the Botanic Garden once she arrived. They had spent so much time there during their courtship. John had been a different man then, a man who would enjoy going with her to the theater or surprise her with a midnight picnic in the gardens after they finished their lab work.

"So very predictable," a voice said behind her. Helen reached into her bag and pulled out the gun Henry had gotten for her as she spun around. John stepped out from behind a tree, a nasty little grin on his face. "I'd say that I expected more of you, but…"

"We both know why I'm here," Helen softly told him.

He nodded. "Indeed we do. You've come to save me like one of your poor little house pets. Shall I let you fasten a leash around my neck and lead me away?"

"Please, John. This has gone quite far enough. I can help you."

"And if I don't agree, are you going to shoot me again? Put a matching scar on the other side?"

She changed her grip on the gun slightly. "I can't let you hurt anyone else."

He scoffed. "Now you suddenly have a conscience? It's alright to kill 37, but 38 is going too far?"

Helen slowly shook her head. "I should have stopped you before."

"Spare me. You wanted them dead just as badly as I did," he asserted.

"Not at this cost…Come back with me, John. Please. Let me help you."

"You're going to have to shoot me first," he replied, but wasn't expecting that she would instantly pull the trigger. A beam of electricity caught him before he could teleport away, and John fell to his knees as his nervous system was overloaded with energy.

Helen fought tears as she watched him, knowing there was no other way. The shock was extremely painful, similar to the device Nikola had used to experiment on/torture his former colleague when trying to develop his vampiric army. If she couldn't get John to be John (instead of Jack) then she had no hope of getting him back to the Sanctuary, of finding a cure.

He lay on the ground, gasping, when she finally released the trigger. "Kill me," he choked out.

"What?" Helen asked as she knelt beside him, though she still had the gun trained.

John brought both of his hands over hers, moving them so that the weapon was aimed at his chest. "Please, Helen. Kill me while you have the chance."

Her tears spilled. "I can't."

"I don't want to put you through this again."

She shook her head, still refusing. "I can't, John. I can't lose anyone else. You have to let me help you; you have to hang on."

After a moment of hesitation, he finally nodded. "We haven't much time." A single shock would only be a temporary fix.

"I know."

"Do you trust me?" Helen wasn't sure why she nodded, but she did. John still had a grip on her hands, and therefore took her with him when he vanished, teleporting away from Oxford and back to the Sanctuary.

* * *

TBC...


	2. Reconnecting

Over a century ago, Helen had begun research into how to save her then-fiancé from the brain damage his powers caused. She'd known then that something was wrong with him before she'd known how bad it really was. The more neural pathways that were cut off, the more problems arose – anger, paranoia, irrationality, inability to differentiate between reality and fantasy. She'd thought that her blood would help him, but she'd been wrong. Over a century later, Tesla had managed to do what she hadn't. The shock treatments were excruciating, but forced new connections that stabilized his behavior. If John ever wanted to be able to use his powers again, however, Helen had to find a way to keep the damage from recurring once they finally got him back to being himself.

Listening to John's yells of pain during the treatments made Helen hate Nikola just a little more. The thought that the other man would have purposely induced this torture upon his former friend made her ill. John insisted that he could have – and had – taken more than the daily regimen Helen was giving him, but she preferred to be cautious; the research she was doing would be of little good if the shock treatment killed him.

Once she turned the machine off, she brought her former lover some water and undid the restraints that held him to the bed.

"Thank you," John hoarsely told her as he finished the glass.

"I'm sorry I have to do this."

He shook his head. "I would be a danger to everyone here otherwise."

"Most of the damage has been repaired," she informed him.

"And your work?"

She looked away. "I'm running an analysis right now. We'll see what the results are."

John nodded and closed his eyes, taking a few moments to rest. "Do you ever wonder how things could have been different?" he quietly asked.

Helen looked down at him. "Different how?"

"If I had never… If my mind had remained my own."

She slowly nodded. "Every year, I mark the calendar for the day that would have been our anniversary."

"Our one hundred and twentieth would have been this year," John pointed out.

"Our daughter would have been raised in a very different time. She would have seen the industrial revolution, war, the Depression…"

"We would likely be great-great-grandparents by now," he added.

Helen tried to discretely wipe her eyes. "To answer your question, John: yes, I have wondered."

He opened his eyes and gently reached for her face, cupping her cheek and making her look at him. "You know that I would change it all in an instant if I could."

"I know."

Even after more than a century, his touch was still so familiar, so comforting. She'd always had to be so strong and tough for everyone else in the world, but John was one of the few people that she'd ever allowed herself to be vulnerable with. And she had bloody well paid for it, but she still longed for what they'd once had together.

Before either of them really knew what they were doing, their lips met. A kiss that started off as being soft and gentle quickly turned deep and desperate. His arms slipped around her, pulling her close. It didn't take much coaxing to get her up on the bed with him, kneeling over him. Her lab coat and his button-up shirt quickly fluttered to the floor.

"Helen – " John started as they broke apart for a moment, trying to slow her down enough to consider what was about to happen. However, she cut him off with a kiss, and he never regained his wits enough to attempt to ask again.

* * *

When Will came down to the lab a few hours later, he found Helen sitting at the computer, staring at the screen – or rather, THROUGH the screen. "Magnus?" he asked, and saw her jump slightly as she was brought out of her thoughts. "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

She shook her head. "No, it's all right. What do you need?"

"We finished rounds for today. Everybody is accounted for and fed."

Helen nodded as she took the tablet he was offering and quickly reviewed the notes that had been made. "Thank you."

"How is he?" Will asked, nodding his head toward the video monitor above them that showed an image of John sleeping in his room.

"Fine," she quickly replied.

"I saw it took a while for you to turn the cameras back on," Will pointed out. She'd been shutting off the system whenever John had a treatment; there was no need for his agony to be on the live feed. "Everything go okay?"

"I said he's fine, Will," she sharply repeated. He just nodded.

"Okay. I'll ask the Big Guy to bring him a dinner tray for when he wakes up."

Helen knew he didn't deserve her tone. Will had been extremely helpful recently and usually was the one to bear the brunt of her frustration. "Thank you," she told him, and genuinely meant it.

He nodded as he took the tablet back. "I think the rest of us are eating now if you want to join us," he told her.

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

* * *

The first thing John realized when he awakened was that he was alone. He'd had his arms wrapped around the warmth of Helen's body when unconsciousness had claimed him, but now the room was decidedly empty. As he sat up, John realized that the sun was setting outside of his window and a plate of food and a cup of water were sitting on the small table beside his bed.

_How long have I been asleep?_ he wondered.

He was a bit shaky as he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. The treatments took a little more out of him each day, and John was looking forward to the end of them for more than one reason. As he stood at the sink to wash his hands after relieving himself, he noted the nail marks and light bruises that had been left on his bare chest by his activities earlier in the day. Neither he nor Helen had held anything back; more than a century of pent up tension had finally been released. And after their reintroduction to each other, he didn't think he could ever let her go again.

As he returned to his room, he realized it was no longer empty; Helen was remaking his bed. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

"You were gone when I woke up."

"I had things to work on," she quickly replied.

"Helen…"

"It was a mistake, John," she finally said.

"It was the best we've ever been," he countered.

She couldn't argue with that, but that didn't mean she didn't still regret it. "It was a moment of weakness that cannot happen again, not now."

"I've never stopped loving you, Helen. And I don't think you stopped loving me."

She laughed slightly, sardonically. "Love was never our problem, John."

"I know that I don't deserve another chance, but I'm asking for one. Please."

Helen slowly shook her head. "I don't know if I can…You should eat your food."

"Helen – "

"Goodnight, John," she told him as she slipped out the door.

* * *

TBC...


	3. Cures

Two days later, John's shock treatments were complete. All of the scans and tests that Helen performed showed that he truly – medically – was back to being himself, just like after his encounter with Nikola months earlier. Now it was up to her to find a means of keeping him that way.

"You may stay here," she told him as she led him through the halls of the Sanctuary's living quarters to an empty bedroom. "We got some more clothes for you; if there's anything else you need…"

John nodded as he looked around the room. It was well-appointed, just like every other in the mansion. A fireplace was in the corner and the window afforded a view of the courtyard. "Thank you."

"I should return to the lab," she excused herself, heading toward the door.

"Will you join me for dinner?" John asked.

She sighed lightly. "I have much to get done, John."

"You still need to eat," he countered.

"I'll have something brought to my lab. You may join the others for dinner if you'd like."

He knew that pushing her further would be useless. "As you wish," was all John finally said.

Helen studied him for a moment, surprised that he had actually given in. She nodded her thanks to him for that before disappearing out the door.

~ * ~

She had an internal argument the entire way down to her lab. Her brain knew all of the sensible lines of reasoning – he had done horrible things in the past, both to her and to others; he was currently her patient, which required that she remain objective (although she doubted she'd have any better luck with that than she'd had the first time around); and he hadn't done anything to prove that she could rely on him not to break her heart once more. And yet, her heart didn't care about any of these things. All it knew was that she had another chance with her first true love.

How was it that John Druitt could turn a 158-year-old woman into an adolescent school girl?

~ * ~

Henry and Big Guy had been in the hallway and saw Helen leave John's room. The tech whiz raised an eyebrow as he looked at the Sasquatch. "You think we should be worried yet?" he asked.

Big Guy shrugged. "I do not know…Were you not already worried?"

Henry had to admit he'd gotten him there. "Mmm, good point."

* * *

John started helping out around the Sanctuary, since the alternative would be just sitting in his room all day. He continued to attempt to spend time with Helen, inviting her to dinner or for an afternoon walk around the grounds. He always respected her feelings, however, and backed off when she said no. His intention was never to make things more difficult for her.

One afternoon, when Helen returned to her office after finishing rounds with the rest of the team, she was pleasantly surprised to find a flower vase sitting on her desk. The white roses that it contained were in full bloom and Helen gently fingered one of them.

She knew exactly who the flowers had come from. John had given her white roses on their first date, and they had continued to be a favorite gift for any special occasion during their courtship. The night that he proposed to her, they had returned from their play and a ride through Piccadilly to find that her bedroom was absolutely filled with the flowers.

_"John…" she'd whispered when she saw what he'd done. With candles strewn about as well, the room had looked magical. He'd just smiled, and she hadn't been able to resist teasing him. "You were so certain I would say yes, were you?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him and pretending to be put out._

_He'd absolutely frozen. It hadn't ever dawned on him how presumptuous his plans had been. Of course he'd hoped that her answer would be yes, and had been relatively certain that she would agree. However, if he knew anything in life it was that nothing was ever certain. "I…I'm sorry."_

_Helen had quickly let him off the hook. "Don't worry, John. It's beautiful, thank you."_

Shaking herself out of her reverie, Helen set the vase on the corner of her desk where it was out of her way but still in her line of sight. He was starting to wear her down.

* * *

What she didn't know was that John was in the hallway outside of her office and had watched as she saw the flowers. After she sat down to start her work, he turned away from the partially open doorway, a slight smile on his face.

He quickly found that Henry was waiting for him around the corner.

"Was there something you needed?" he asked the younger man.

"I know what you're doing," Henry stated, his face an expressionless mask.

"What I'm doing with regards to what?" John inquired.

"The boss. You might think that you're being all sneaky and whatever, but you're not."

John raised an eyebrow. The other members of the team had been relatively good about minding their own business during his stay at the Sanctuary but apparently the time for that had passed. "Are you acting under the incorrect assumption that Helen needs a watchdog?" he shot.

Henry knew that comment had been personal. "She's been through things you don't even know about. And while you're hanging around, playing the bald Prince Charming, just know that if you even think about hurting her again, this isn't anywhere on this planet that you can hide."

John had a cutting remark on the tip of his tongue, but paused for a moment. It was obvious that Henry WAS in fact intimidated by him (likely a result of their first encounter), but he was trying to pretend not to be. The notion that he was putting on this act in Helen's defense was actually kind of cute; it was nice to know she had such a loyal staff.

"I'll keep that in mind," was all John finally said before continuing down the hall.

* * *

It took two weeks before Helen devised a working treatment. He would need regular injections of the serum she'd created, but hopefully it would be his long-sought-after cure.

"So, what's the verdict, Doctor?" John asked as Helen finished giving him a CAT scan a week after his first injection. He'd teleported several times over the past few days in order to test the effectiveness of her drug.

She carefully scrutinized the images on her computer as John got up from the scanner and joined her. "I don't see anything of note. Your results are virtually identical to the ones from a week ago. Have you been feeling any side effects?"

"None," he replied with a shake of his head. "I haven't felt this good in a very long time…Thank you, Helen."

She looked away. "You don't have to thank me."

"But I do," he insisted. "I don't suppose you'd like to talk about where we go from here?"

Helen sighed, putting the needle back down. "Please. Let things settle. I can't…I do still love you, John, but I've also had my heart shattered by you. And by other forces." He looked away.

"I'm sorry."

"It's too late to be sorry. Nothing can be changed, and I know it wasn't really you. But I'm not sure if I'm ready yet to open myself up to the possibility of more pain."

"I promise you, Helen, that I will never hurt you again."

"John – "

"I'll give you as much time as you need."

She closed her eyes as she exhaled. "Thank you."

* * *

He stayed true to his word. The following morning, Helen awakened to find a single long-stem rose lying on her pillow. There was a note attached to the stem.

I WILL RETURN IN TIME FOR MY NEXT TREATMENT. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, – JOHN.

* * *

TBC...

_**A/N: I'm glad to see a couple people are enjoying the story. Feedback is always appreciated! Thanks to DemonxVampire and melissaadams22 for your reviews.**_


	4. Changes

It was unfortunate that John's absence didn't actually make anything clearer for Helen. As much as she had pushed him away while he was still at the Sanctuary, she now missed him desperately. Knowing that he was always there if she went looking for him had been comforting.

One night, as she sat up on the roof, looking out on the city and contemplating her life, Will came up to join her. "You okay?" he asked.

"Fine, just…there's been a lot to take in recently."

He nodded. "Yeah…I'm gonna ask you a question, and feel free to tell me to go mind my own business."

Helen exhaled. "All right."

"Level with me – what's going on with you and Druitt and how concerned should the rest of us be about it?"

"I believe that was two questions," she pointed out. Will just raised an eyebrow. She knew that he wouldn't allow her to avoid giving an answer. "I don't know what's going on with me and John. That's the problem."

"You still care about him?"

She sighed. "I never stopped loving the man that he originally was. And now that he may be that man again…In some ways it feels like nothing has changed, and in other ways, everything has changed."

Will slowly nodded. "So to my second question… The treatment you came up with is working?"

"As far as I can tell. I'll do more scans when he returns."

"So we don't need to worry about…"

"I don't know if I'll ever stop worrying, Will. But if it happens, I'll figure something else out. I can't…I can't give up on him. Not now."

He accepted that and got up from his seat on the wall. He shrugged off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders, since she wasn't wearing anything over her dress shirt. "Goodnight, Magnus," he told her before heading downstairs.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, they all had enough work to do that Helen barely had the time to think about John or their future – or their past.

A couple of the Sanctuaries that were attacked by the Cabal had been declared total losses, but the rest were rebuilding. Helen headed to Moscow in order to see how their efforts were going. The Russian team had been working hard, but much of the damage was still clearly evident. It made her heartsick to know that her daughter had been involved in causing so much death and destruction after spending her short life working at her mother's side.

"We hope to have Section One reconstructed within two months," the Moscow Sanctuary's leader told her as they walked through the facility. "At that point, we would be able to accommodate a few of our residents again."

Helen smiled. "I look forward to seeing them return to their home. You've been doing excellent work, Gennady. I had not expected that any of the repairs would be done so quickly."

Gennady nodded. "Please thank Henry for his assistance. Walls and doors are easy, but getting our security system back online is our real challenge."

"I will pass along your message. When do you think that the rest of the facility will be ready?"

He shrugged slightly. "Perhaps within a year? We will see if luck is with us."

Helen smiled. "Hopefully it will be."

* * *

When Helen returned to Old City, the Big Guy picked her up at the airport. "How was your trip?" he asked as she slid into the backseat of the car.

"It went well. They are making steady progress and are ahead of the New Delhi facility."

"You did not tell Gennady that?" he asked.

Helen laughed. "Of course not. He and Rakesh have enough of a rivalry going already."

She was quiet for most of the rest of the ride back to the Sanctuary, and once the car was stopped in the driveway, the Big Guy looked back and saw why. Helen had fallen fast asleep.

_She works too hard,_ he thought to himself as he got out of the driver's seat and came around to the back door. He opened it, but paused before reaching to awaken his friend. Now that her defenses were lowered, he realized that she actually seemed frail – a word he never would have thought of using to describe Helen Magnus. _Has she been eating?_ he wondered. _Is she ill? We are supposed to be her friends; we should be looking out for her better than this!_

He gently laid a furry hand on her shoulder. "Helen?"

She opened her eyes and smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry; it's been a long day. I don't think my body knows quite what time zone it's in."

"Go to bed."

Helen shook her head. "No, I need to speak with Will and Henry and check in on a few of our residents. Don't worry; I'll be fine."

But the Big Guy was worried. As he watched her head into the house, he promised himself that he'd start paying more attention to her condition. If something was wrong, it was up to them to take care of her now.

* * *

A few days later, Will, Henry, and the Big Guy were waiting in Helen's office for their normal staff meeting. "Good morning," she told them as she joined them.

"Morning," Will replied.

"You feeling okay, boss?" Henry asked. "I can't remember the last time you actually slept three nights in a row."

"We've all been quite busy recently," she pointed out. Upon her return from Russia, they'd had a bit of an adventure when one of the residents of the Shoe got out of its enclosure.

As they all sat down, Will picked up his mug of coffee. The smell of the caffeinated hot beverage was far more aggravating to Helen than normal; she hadn't been feeling well since she woke up and it was only getting worse now. "How's our newest resident doing?" she asked, trying to ignore the fact that her stomach was doing somersaults.

"Fine," Will replied before launching into a detailed description of the environment that they'd set up for the abnormal they'd picked up a week earlier. Helen tried to force herself to listen, but most of her attention was going toward not becoming ill in the middle of the meeting. She'd been tiring easily recently and hadn't been feeling terribly great, but this was definitely the worst.

Luckily, neither Will nor Henry seemed to notice her preoccupation. They both reported on the latest happenings and what they were currently working on before heading off to take care of their responsibilities. Once they were gone, Helen headed for the nearest bathroom and emptied her stomach of the tea and meager bit of toast that she'd had for breakfast. As she reentered her office, she found that Big Guy was waiting for her with a cup of tea.

"It's ginger," he told her as he handed it to her, seeing that she was about to protest against ingesting anything at the moment.

Helen smiled weakly as she sat down and took a sip. "I don't know what I would do without you," she told her friend.

"You have been sick as of late?" he asked, although it was more of a statement than a question.

"Maybe I'm a little under the weather," she replied. "It's nothing to worry about."

Big Guy regarded her carefully. "You have been ill like this before, Helen. I remember."

She shook her head. "I'm fine, really."

"No, you are not," he asserted, and for some reason, she couldn't continue to pretend. She had no one else to confide in at the moment and needed someone to know the truth.

"No, I'm not," she whispered.

He nodded, satisfied. "Do you know for certain?"

"I haven't done a test, but I'm relatively sure. I'm pregnant."

* * *

TBC...


	5. A New Beginning

"I haven't done a test, but I'm relatively sure. I'm pregnant."

"What are you going to do?" Big Guy asked, and Helen looked up at him. A short laugh mixed with a sob.

"I haven't the faintest idea."

There was an uncomfortable pause as he figured out how to put his next question. He had been there with her for her pregnancy with Ashley and knew what she'd gone through emotionally. "Do you want the child?" he finally asked.

"That's not the problem," Helen replied as she wiped her eyes. "What I want is… I've already proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot keep a child safe." The memory of her last moments with her daughter came unbidden to her mind, and she could barely keep her composure. The thought of watching another child die…

"You did the best you could," Big Guy tried to tell her.

"Which wasn't nearly good enough, was it? Fulfilling my incredibly selfish desire for companionship is not worth what Ashley suffered."

He frowned. "She grew up happy. She loved you – "

"And I'm the reason why she's dead!" Helen shot back, getting up from her desk. "She gave her life to protect me."

"There was nothing you could do," Big Guy tried to tell her.

"I could have stopped her!" she insisted. "I was the one who let her go on that mission in the first place when I knew – I KNEW – that it was a bad idea. I'm responsible for what they did to her and for everything that happened to the Sanctuary Network as a result."

"Helen – "

"It was my job to protect her. I would have given my life to keep her safe – she was never supposed to have to give hers for me!"

She finally broke down as everything she'd been keeping inside since Ashley's death poured out in a flood of emotion. Big Guy just held her and let her get it all out.

"Life is never certain," he finally said. "But…you deserve to be happy, Helen."

* * *

She wasn't sure that she believed him, however. Anytime she'd ever known happiness, it had been abruptly and tragically taken away. She had spent a great deal of time after Ashley's death contemplating how much more pain she could withstand. The only answer she'd been able to come up with was 'not much.'

Late that night, once the other members of her team had retired to their rooms, Helen went down to the infirmary. She had two options for ending this pregnancy, if she chose to. She could do the same as what she'd done for Ashley and have the embryo removed in the hope that someday, eventually, her life would stabilize and she would feel better about bringing it to term. The alternative choice would make it seem as though her brief reunion with her former lover had never happened. There was something almost comforting about the idea of being able to pretend that all of this was just a dream.

She knew exactly which medications she would have to take, and had what she needed in the storage room. She actually filled the syringes with the correct dosages and then sat staring at them for nearly half an hour before throwing them away. There was no undo button on life.

She headed back into one of the exam rooms and hooked up an ultrasound machine. After undoing the button on her pants and pulling up her shirt, she moved the wand across her still-flat stomach until she found what she was looking for.

A tiny spot of life, with a rapidly fluttering heartbeat. It definitely wasn't recognizable as a human being, not this early on, but that didn't matter. Eventually that little spot, no bigger than a couple grains of rice, would become a living, breathing child that would be dependent on her for its every need. Helen stared transfixed at the image for a long moment. It wasn't possible to do this with Ashley before the embryo was removed; she now wondered if she would have been able to go through with the procedure if she'd been able to see her daughter growing within her. During those dark days, she had doubted whether she would ever have the courage or desire to actually bring her daughter to term. But if she'd had the ability at that time to see this sight…

"I'll do anything for you," she whispered to the image of her unborn child. "I promise you…it will be different this time."

* * *

Three weeks later, John returned to the Sanctuary. He'd made contact with Tesla (mainly wanting to be assured that their old friend wasn't cooking up a vampiric army that they needed to be worried about) and had been able to lend a hand to the London Sanctuary as they began to rebuild.

He teleported directly to Helen's office and smiled as she looked up from the files she was reviewing. "I've missed you," he told her

She swallowed hard. "John. I didn't know you were coming today."

"I wanted to surprise you…Should I not have?"

"No, it's fine. How have you been?"

"Well." He noticed that she looked slightly nervous, which was very much unlike her. "What is it?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied. "I just…I received a bit of a surprise while you were gone."

He frowned, perplexed. "A surprise? With one of your patients?"

She shook her head. "No, John; I am the patient."

His frown deepened. "I don't understand. Are you ill?"

"Not exactly…I'm carrying your child."

His mouth opened a couple times and then closed again without a sound escaping. So many things went through his mind. Of course he assumed that she was certain, otherwise she wouldn't be telling him. She was a doctor, after all. Those four words were absolutely astounding and terrifying at the same time. He'd never heard them with Ashley, had learned of his daughter's existence from someone other than her mother many decades after she was conceived.

And suddenly, John realized what the fact that Helen was telling him REALLY meant. She could have repeated history and he never would have been the wiser. But she was telling him, now, which could only mean one thing: this child would be born nine months after its conception, without interference. This child he would be there for.

He crossed the room in four quick strides and knelt at Helen's side before taking her hand and kissing the back of it. "Thank you," he told her, and had never meant the words more.

"You're happy about this?" she questioned. "I mean…I-I'm not expecting anything, John – not anything that you're not willing to give."

"What wouldn't I want to give?" he asked. "Do you honestly think…" He trailed off, noting her expression. She was trying to be impassive, calm, but her eyes completely betrayed her. The terror that he could plainly see indicated she really did think he might not want to be involved with their child.

"We didn't expect this," she pointed out. "We didn't – "

"Helen," he cut her off with a smile. "I gave you my heart over a century ago. I'm elated that you're going to have to share it."

* * *

TBC...

_**A/N: Again, thanks for the feedback. It always makes a long day at work a little happier.**_


	6. Reactions

Helen let John know that Big Guy was already in on the secret, but they decided to wait a bit before telling any of the other members of the team. Will and Henry already seemed to have all they could handle wrapping their minds around the fact that the century-and-a-half-old couple was seriously involved again. The news that they were expecting a second child would possibly be overload.

And honestly, Helen enjoyed having a little secret that was all their own. Her pregnancy with Ashley had been lonely and she had spent most of the time worrying about their future. Those worries were still there – and in some ways, had multiplied – but she now had someone else to share them with. They were still working on their relationship, but the important thing was that they WERE working on it. They had several quiet conversations late at night on the roof of the Sanctuary about things in their ancient past and the things that were still to come in their future. Sometimes their lives felt very normal, like they were just any couple in the world. As Helen stood in her closet about a month after John's return, trying to pick out clothes for the day, she had the thought that this morning was one of those times.

"I have a problem," she told John as she moved back into her bedroom. He was lying on her bed, drinking tea.

"What is it?"

She lifted the hem of her shirt to display the fact that she could not fasten the black pants she'd intended on wearing around the small bump of her stomach. Helen didn't appreciate hearing him laugh in response. "You find this to be amusing?" she asked, one eyebrow raised.

"I believe that the correct answer would be no?" he replied, but couldn't keep from smiling. She rolled her eyes. "Helen, you ARE nearly fifteen weeks along."

"Really?" she sarcastically asked. "I'd completely lost track!"

John realized he was quickly getting himself in trouble. "I'm sorry. Tell me what to do for you." Knowing that there was nothing he could do, however, she simply turned and went back into her closet in order to find something else to wear.

"We aren't going to be able to keep this from the others for very much longer," she told him as she rejoined him a few minutes later, wearing a skirt instead of pants.

John nodded. "I'm following your lead. Do you want to tell them now?"

"Want isn't exactly the word," she replied, "But I don't think we can wait much longer. I have a staff meeting in 30 minutes; will you join me?"

"Of course."

* * *

Standing in her office, waiting for her team to arrive, Helen suddenly felt like a child again, awaiting punishment from her father for messing up one of his anatomic models in his office. The normalcy of the morning had disappeared; the details of her relationship with John and the situation they found themselves in were things that normal people would never have to worry about. She could anticipate questions of 'What were you thinking?' and 'Why would you go through with this?' and didn't feel that she could come up with a coherent response.

"Easy," John quietly told her from his place by the window, watching the city. She gave him a tight smile.

"I'll relax after this meeting is finished."

This was one occasion when Helen loathed Will's perceptive abilities; as soon as the forensic psychiatrist walked in the room and took in both Helen and John's presence and apprehension, he knew that something was up. "What's going on?" he asked as Henry came in right behind him.

The tech expert looked between the couple warily. "I get the feeling this is a conversation I should be sitting down for," he observed.

"That might not be a bad idea," Helen replied and they both found seats. "As I'm sure you're both well aware, John and I have resumed our relationship."

Will nodded. "Get to the part we're sitting down for."

"You're getting married?" Henry guessed. Helen nearly choked.

"Not exactly…I'm pregnant."

Both men were silent for a moment before they got up to hug her. Henry managed to be first. "Wow, congratulations," he told her. Will echoed the same sentiment.

Helen was surprised. "That's all you have to say?" she asked.

"Dibs on the 'favorite uncle' title," Henry replied, raising his hand.

"What did you think we were going to say?" Will asked. They knew she was a big girl who made her own choices, and obviously it was too late for words to change anything.

Helen looked over to John, who raised an eyebrow at her. "It doesn't matter," she answered with a small smile.

* * *

The fact that her team didn't react in the way she'd assumed – or rather, feared – made Helen consider how one other person would have taken the news. After she and the others finished the business portion of their staff meeting, she headed outside to the courtyard and knelt beside a marble headstone that rested in the shade of a large tree.

"Hello, Ashley," she quietly said, tracing her fingers over her daughter's name carved into the stone. "I suppose that you already know what's been happening around here, hmm? I never thought…I didn't LET myself believe that they would take the news so well. And now I find myself wondering what you would say. You never once asked me for a sibling when you were a child; you said life with just the two of us was quite good enough…" She paused for a moment, swallowing years.

"No one could ever replace you, Ashley. I couldn't even try. I don't want you to think that this child… It just happened, and I'm still not certain as to whether or not I can really do this, but I do love this baby and I hope…I hope that you're glad we're happy."

* * *

Helen wasn't expecting to find John still waiting in her office when she finally made her way back inside. "What's wrong?" she asked him.

"I wished to speak with you. Henry said something that got my attention."

"Am I now the one who should be sitting down?" she asked as she took a seat at her desk.

John smiled slightly. "If you prefer. You'll recall that he inquired as to whether or not we were getting married, and I began to wonder why we had not discussed it."

"Because it is not still 1888," Helen smartly replied.

John sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. "I'm being serious, Helen."

"As am I," she shot back. "There is no requirement that we must be married simply because we are having a child."

"Have you honestly not even thought about it? You've given me a second chance at so many things, Helen. Why should we not have a second chance at the life we were supposed to have together?" She didn't answer, and her eyes remained trained on the wooden surface of her desk. John decided he'd made his point. "Will you at least consider the notion?" he requested.

"I have considered it," she quietly replied. "I still have the ring that you gave me. I locked it away in a box for almost a hundred years. After I became pregnant with Ashley again, I took it out and carried it with me until the day she was born. It's been sitting on my dresser ever since." She looked up at him, her eyes shining. "Perhaps I'll soon be ready to wear it again. When that day comes, I will let you know."

John smiled. "I look forward to that day."

* * *

TBC...


	7. Scared

Helen had been expecting that she would get some relief from her exhaustion as she moved into the second trimester of her pregnancy, but that wasn't in the cards. Unfortunately, she hadn't adjusted her activities around the Sanctuary in order to compensate.

John was up in her office, trying to get a start on some research about an abnormal that the UK Sanctuary was tracking, when Henry's somewhat frantic voice came over the intercom system. He didn't get any farther than saying that Helen had collapsed down in the lab before John suddenly appeared in the room with them.

"What happened?" he barked. Will was kneeling on the floor, his mentor's head in his lap, as the Big Guy worriedly stood beside them.

"We don't know," the psychiatrist replied. "We were talking with her and she went to get up to get a book and just…blacked out."

"We should take her to the infirmary," Big Guy pointed out. Before anyone else could attempt to do so, John stepped forward and lifted Helen into his arms. They both vanished in a flash of red, leaving the other three men to run to catch up.

By the time they got up to the exam room, John had Helen settled on one of the beds. Will checked her pulse. "It's normal," he reported to the others. "And she didn't feel like she had a fever."

"John?" Helen whispered as she started to wake up. He took her hand.

"I'm right here."

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around. "What happened?"

"You passed out in the lab," Will informed her. "Did you have breakfast this morning?"

"I brought her tea and eggs and toast," Big Guy reported.

"I drank the tea," Helen admitted.

John rolled his eyes. "That is not breakfast."

"I know; I meant to finish the rest later, but I became sidetracked."

"I will go get you something," Big Guy said before turning to leave.

"Thank you," Will called after him.

Helen started to sit up, but thought better of it as the room started spinning wildly and lay back down. "I'm sorry," she told the three men that were still standing around her bed.

"Sorry that you scared the crap out of us, you mean?" Henry asked.

"It was not intentional," she tried to defend herself. "And I've frightened myself a little bit, too."

"You want me to get the Doppler so you can check on the little guy?" Will asked.

Helen smiled. "Yes, thank you."

* * *

Will and Henry left to give the couple some privacy, though both promised that they'd come back later to check on her. John sat beside her on the bed and waited anxiously while she moved the Doppler probe across her stomach to find the right spot. Finally, an extremely comforting whoosh-whoosh noise could be heard coming from the device's speaker.

"That is our child's heartbeat?" he asked.

She smiled. "It is. Hang on…" She took a moment to count the number of beats in a ten second period. "It's perfectly normal," she told him.

John raised an eyebrow. "It seems incredibly fast."

Helen laughed. "That's normal."

He hesitantly nodded after listening for a few moments more. "You're sure that it's all right? And you're all right?"

"I'm fine, John, honest. I really am terribly sorry for scaring all of you. I will eat my breakfast every day from now on."

"I'll ensure that you do," he promised. "Lunch and dinner, too."

She sighed, settling back into his embrace as they both continued to listen to their child's steady heartbeat. "I think I'm beginning to feel my age."

He chuckled. "What exactly is 158 supposed to feel like?"

"I don't know, but...I've been more tired as of late. And I'm not proud of it, but I know there were multiple occasions when I skipped a meal during my pregnancy with Ashley. This never happened."

"Mmm…Did you have anyone with you while you were carrying her, or were you a solitary pillar of strength, as per usual?"

Helen looked away. "James insisted upon staying here at the Sanctuary with me once I reached my seventh month. I'll never forget the day that I told him I was pregnant – or rather the day he figured it out before I could tell him. Almost as soon as I opened the front door, he somehow knew. He was the only person that I ever told I was pregnant in the first place, the only one who knew that the embryo was hidden away all those years…"

"What did he say?" John asked. James hadn't been known for keeping his opinions to himself, and he hoped that their friend hadn't said anything to upset her.

She smiled, but it was mixed with sadness as she recalled how much their lost friend had meant to her. "He told me that I looked beautiful. All the time that he stayed with me, he had this wonderful way of being nearby whenever I needed him but not making me feel like one of my specimens down in the lab…I don't think I ever properly thanked him for that."

John slowly nodded. "He loved you for more than a century."

Helen looked up at him, surprised. "What are you talking about?"

"He never told you?"

She shook her head. "I always considered him family – like the brother I never had."

"James fancied you the moment he met you, Helen. But you know how he was; he never had the courage to bring it up. I didn't realize it until after you and I were already involved, and he…he cared about both of us enough not to interfere."

Her eyes were wide. "He never said anything. All those years, he never said a word…"

"Perhaps he thought you would never return his feelings…or perhaps he was far more loyal of a friend than I ever deserved to have."

Helen looked away. "I miss England," she softly commented. "I miss the days when we were still in school, conducting research together in the wee hours of the night. When there were still five of us and we had no idea what the ramifications of our actions would be."

John slowly nodded. "Do you regret our experiment with the Source Blood?"

"I…I don't know."

* * *

TBC...


	8. A Message

**_A month later..._**

In order to keep Helen from being far more adventurous than she should be and going out into the field with her team, John began to take over some of her responsibilities around the Sanctuary. He was an efficient tracker and got along decently well with the other members of her team. The mansion had been quite quiet during the past week while John, Henry, and Will traveled to Africa to investigate a possible abnormal.

Helen looked up from the computer in her lab when Big Guy approached her. "The van just pulled in," he told her.

She smiled. "Thank you. Can you help them with their gear and tell John that I'm in my office?"

He nodded and turned away. Helen got on the elevator to head back up into the main part of the mansion. As she opened the door to her office, she was pleasantly surprised to find that John had beaten her there. "I thought you were supposed to be here already?" he asked with a smirk.

"And I thought that you would be helping the others to get everything unloaded," she replied.

"I wanted to see you," he countered. "I've missed you."

Helen smiled, moving over to kiss him. "I've missed you as well."

John slipped a hand over the noticeable little bump of her stomach. "You've been all right?" he asked.

"We've been fine," she assured him, twining her fingers with his. "There was only one minor crisis here during your absence."

"Minor crisis?" he repeated. "What transpired?"

"It's all taken care of now, though Henry will have a few security upgrades to make once he's settled back in."

John raised an eyebrow; they'd constantly been at odds about how involved in her work she should still be. In some ways, he would always be an old-fashioned 19th century man while she had definitely embraced the 21st century. He suspected that she'd been looking forward to this trip as an opportunity to get him out of her hair for several days.

"That is not an answer," he started to tell her, but stopped as he realized that he'd felt something under his hand – a small movement like butterfly wings under her skin. "What was that?" he asked.

Helen's smile widened. "That would be our child."

He stared at her in wonderment. "How long…?"

"I noticed right after you left. I wasn't sure if you'd be able to feel it externally yet." He looked down as the baby moved once more.

"My God…" He had proof right under his hand that their child was healthy and thriving within her, and while he was incredibly grateful for the gift she was giving him, he couldn't help but think about what they had lost. He hadn't been able to do this with Ashley, hadn't been able to watch Helen grow more beautiful every day.

They had so much to look forward to, but at the same time, he didn't think they'd ever be able to stop looking back.

The intercom on Helen's desk beeped before Henry's voice came through. "Hey, Boss, should I ask you where Druitt is or can I already guess for myself?"

Helen smiled, stepping closer and reaching to toggle the microphone. "He'll be there in a moment, Henry," she responded before shooting John a knowing look, as if to say 'I told you so'. "You should go finish helping the others," she told him. "I'll be here when you return."

"I intend to hold you to that," he replied before vanishing in a flash of red.

Helen smiled to herself as she sat down at her desk. She hadn't ever believed that time could be reversed and knew that there was no way to erase all the things that they'd been through. However, John was more like the man she'd originally fallen in love with than she had ever thought he could be. And they were happier than she had ever thought would be possible.

An icon at the bottom of her computer screen indicated that she had unread e-mail waiting and so she opened the window. There was only one message that she hadn't already seen, and her eyebrows disappeared up into her hairline as she read it.

Helen was still staring at the screen when John returned several minutes later. "What is it?" he asked as he noticed the look on her face.

"I received a message from my father."

"Your father?" he repeated.

"Yes. Apparently he's in South America. He wants me to join him in Honduras; there's something that he needs to show me…I had no idea where he was. He simply promised when he left that he wouldn't be far."

"Maybe he feels it's safe now to reenter your life," John suggested.

"Maybe. He doesn't know about…everything that's happened."

He nodded slowly. "Then I believe you'll have a lot to catch up on."

* * *

John provided the transportation down to Central America the following day, since Helen was very anxious to see her father again. They first went to the Panama Sanctuary; Gregory had apparently been working with them for the past few months. Once there, they were better able to map where he had traveled to so John could know where to go. They materialized in a clearing near the tiny, remote Honduran village Gregory had directed them to and walked the rest of the way.

"I was not expecting you to arrive so quickly," he told his daughter before realizing who had accompanied her. "Helen…"

"He is fine, now, Father," she protested.

Gregory still gave John an once-over; he'd disappeared soon after John's chilling activities had been revealed, and even after a century, those memories were still fresh in his mind. "You'll pardon me for being skeptical," he told Helen.

"What is it that you wanted to show me?" she changed the subject, deciding that this was neither the time nor place to continue bringing her father up to speed on what had changed in her life in the past few months. "And why didn't you have someone at the Panama Sanctuary inform me that you were working with them?"

"I explicitly told them NOT to tell you," he corrected her. "I thought that you had enough to be concerned with already. Perhaps it was a mistake, but…" He shook his head, dismissing that thought. "Come, you must see what I've discovered."

"How far is it?" John asked the older man. Gregory pointed to the base of some nearby hills. "I can take you," John quietly offered to Helen, but she shook her head.

"I'll be fine walking," she insisted.

Gregory watched them carefully, noting the taller man's protectiveness of his daughter. "Are you all right?" he asked Helen, wondering what information he had NOT heard through the Sanctuary Network's grapevine.

She nodded, offering him a smile. "Let's go."

* * *

The trek to Gregory's destination wasn't lengthy; two of the locals accompanied them and Helen was surprised to see two more were standing guard at the entrance to a system of caves.

"What sort of abnormal did you find?" she asked her father as they lit torches in preparation for entering the caves.

"The people here believe her to be an angel – a messenger from their spirits," he replied as they started through the tunnels. "They have been protecting her since her discovery."

As they reached the inner chamber, both John and Helen froze in shock. Lying unconscious on an elaborate bed made of plants and flowers was their daughter.

* * *

TBC...


	9. Lost and Found

Helen was the first to recover from her shock-induced paralysis; she fell to her knees at Ashley's side, instantly reaching to check for a pulse. She was barely able to hold in a sob when she found one. "John, she's alive!"

_Please let this be real, _she silently prayed._ Or if it's a dream, let me never wake up..._

John joined her as she looked up to Gregory for an explanation. "What happened?" she asked her father.

"I came here tracing an ancient legend about an abnormal. Any time that I tried to get near these caves, they stopped me. This is a sacred place for their village. I finally earned enough trust for them to show me why. They found her in the forest months ago, badly injured. They didn't know what to do for her. When she started to heal herself – magically – they believed she was a messenger from their spirits and that they were required to care for her."

Helen's head was spinning. "She made it through the EM field," she realized. "She actually made it out of the Sanctuary. I thought it was possible and then…" _And then I gave up on her_, she couldn't bring herself to admit out loud. Helen quickly tried to push that thought away – there wasn't time for it now. "Has she been unconscious ever since they found her?" she asked Gregory.

He nodded. "As far as they know."

"She likely has a serious brain injury," she quietly said, mainly talking to herself, as she checked her daughter's eyes. "I don't know how she's survived this long without intervention; it must be her altered DNA."

"What do you need?" John asked, trying to keep her calm and working in doctor-mode.

"I need to get her back to the Sanctuary; I need to run a battery of tests. Right now I have no idea what's wrong with her."

He nodded. "All right. We'll take her back."

They both looked up at the sound of a voice speaking in the native language of the indigenous people of the area. One of the men who had come out to the caves with them was watching them and pointing to Helen.

"Do you know what he said?" she asked her father.

"I think he can see the family resemblance," he replied.

Helen looked down at her daughter before getting up and walking over to the man. She wasn't terribly skilled at any of the local dialects of this area, but had to try. "My daughter," she told him in what she hoped was passable for his language, "She is sick. Thank you for protecting her."

The man started to reach for Helen's face, and instantly John was at her side with a flash of red. The man's eyes went as big as saucers and he stepped back to kneel before them. He began mumbling something that Helen assumed was a prayer as he kept his eyes trained on the ground.

She shot John a Look. "I was fine."

"And I intended to ensure that you stayed that way."

* * *

Back at the Sanctuary, Henry's peaceful afternoon in the main lab working on the new security protocols was interrupted when John suddenly teleported in with Helen and Gregory.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed as he got up from the computer. "What's going on? Are you guys okay? What did you find?"

All three of them ignored him for the moment. "I'll be back momentarily," John promised Helen before disappearing again.

"Henry, please go get a gurney," she requested as she shrugged out of the long leather coat that she'd been wearing and started trying to get supplies together.

He frowned as he joined them. Neither she nor Gregory appeared injured, though he had no idea where John had gone now. "For who? What happened?" Henry asked. He still didn't get answer.

Gregory's eyes widened as he got a look at his daughter without her coat for the first time since they'd been reunited. The small bump of her stomach was now obvious and all the other little oddities that he'd noticed in Honduras suddenly made sense. "My God, Helen. When were you going to tell me?"

Her head shot up as she realized what he was referring to. "I don't know," she truthfully replied. "I'd planned on telling you when I saw you, but then…This isn't the time for this discussion, Father."

"Isn't the time for what discussion?" Henry asked, still completely lost. "Can someone please tell me what's going on here?"

"Henry, get a gurney!" Helen told him in a tone that he didn't dare argue with. Without another word, he quickly headed off for the infirmary.

"It's John's child isn't it?" Gregory asked his daughter.

"Yes, Father, and I'll be more than happy to answer any questions you have, but not right now."

Henry came back a moment later with an equally confused Will right behind him. "Are you guys okay?" Will asked. "Where's Druitt?"

Helen looked down at her watch, suddenly realizing how much time had passed since John had left. "What is taking him so long?" she wondered aloud. What if there was some problem with the natives? She knew that she should have insisted John take Ashley back to the Sanctuary first, but he'd reasoned that her going ahead to get her equipment set up made more sense. However, if something had happened – to him or to Ashley – she wasn't sure what she would do.

"What's taking who so long to do what?" Will asked with a frown. Barely a moment after the words came out of his mouth, John reappeared, his daughter in his arms. Both men's jaws hit the floor.

"Oh, my God…" Henry muttered.

* * *

TBC...


	10. Ashley

_**A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who's left feedback****; I'm really glad you're enjoying it. I was left in shock when Eulogy ended the way it did and wanted to do something to change it. Sometimes I think fanfic exists to correct the mistakes of the show's writers. :-)**_

* * *

John took Gregory to get settled and then dealt with Henry and Will's inquisition about what had happened during the trip. His efforts allowed Helen to focus solely on her daughter; she began a battery of medical tests and was in the lab, watching the output from an ongoing CAT scan, when John managed to join her a couple hours later.

"Anything of note?" he asked as he stood beside her.

"I have confirmed that she is indeed Ashley," she told him. "Her DNA matches the file I have on record and there's evidence of the broken bones she received as a child."

"Have you determined what is wrong with her?"

"She's suffered serious cerebral trauma. Quite honestly, she should be dead and I'm uncertain why she's not – or why her regenerative abilities were unable to repair all of the damage along with the other injuries she received."

He looked over to his daughter's motionless form. The idea that this was a tease – that they'd found her just to lose her again – made him feel unbearably cold. "What can you do?"

"I don't know…I believe that the treatment I developed for you may be effective in repairing the damage. However, since I don't have a good understanding of what exactly the Cabal did to her, I'm not sure if it would really make things better or worse."

The scanner beeped as it finished its analysis and the bed slid out. "Can you please take Ashley back to her room?" Helen quietly asked. "I need to go over these results."

John nodded. "Of course."

* * *

Progress was slow over the next week. Helen spent virtually every waking moment in her office or in the lab, trying to come up with a way to help her daughter. Running the Sanctuary was left to the rest of her team, and they all accepted the responsibility without a complaint.

Late one night, after he'd been able to make some headway with all the tasks requiring his attention in his lab, Henry slipped away to the infirmary to check on the Sanctuary's #1 patient. "Hey, Ash," he whispered to her unconscious form as he took the seat beside her bed. "Man, what I wouldn't give to hear you make some smart-ass remark right now…" His only answer, however, was silence.

"You know I don't do this bedside vigil thing very well. I still have nightmares about the day you broke your leg as a kid. I couldn't do anything but watch as…it seemed like you were falling forever. And your mom…" he smiled slightly, "The boss freaked out worse than you did. And read me the world's most impressive riot act for not protecting her little angel…"

He exhaled shakily. "Damnit, Ash; I'm sorry. I was supposed to be watching out for you on that mission and I just let them… I promise I'm gonna make it up to you, okay? Somehow. I'll make it up to you and the Boss if you just wake up, okay? Everybody's waiting on you and do we strike you as a bunch of patient people? I don't think so!"

After a moment of hesitation, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "You always were the little sister I never had. Get better soon, Ash. You have to."

* * *

John got concerned the next morning when he realized that Helen had pulled an all-nighter in the lab. There was someone depending on her to take care of herself and he didn't want anything to happen to either one of them.

Helen looked away from her computer as she saw John enter the lab with a breakfast tray. "What time is it?" she asked.

He set the tray down on another table and then pointed to the clock in the corner of her screen. "Eight twenty-one AM."

She sighed, wearily rubbing at her eyes. "I didn't even look. No wonder I'm so tired."

"Mmm. You need to take care of yourself, Helen," he told her as he extended a hand to help her up and then led her over to her waiting food.

"I know, I will, I just…I found something promising and couldn't let it go until I had completed my analyses."

"And did you?" he asked as he gave her silverware and uncovered her plate.

"Not yet," she admitted, "But I'm much closer now." Helen sighed as she looked at the food he'd brought. "How did you know exactly what I was craving?" she asked she picked up one of the chocolate covered strawberries and took a bite.

He smiled. "I got a few suggestions from a source that shall remain anonymous."

"Would I be incorrect if I guessed that your 'source' was my manservant?"

"Can anyone ever sneak anything past you?" he replied.

Helen laughed. "It was an easy guess."

"Mmm. You should sleep for a while once you eat. All of this will still be here when you awaken."

She shook her head. "I can't, John. She's lost so much time already."

"It is only for a few hours," he protested.

But she still refused. "I'll be fine. I can rest when my daughter is well."

John sighed. "Helen, be reasonable."

"Reasonable?" she asked, her eyes flashing. "What part of any of this is reasonable?!? I never should have stopped looking for her; I knew this was a possibility."

John looked away. He'd been consumed by his own grief and the beginnings of madness and knew that he had influenced her to abandon her search. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apology," she told him. "I made my own choices and went against everything my heart was telling me to be true. Now I have a second chance with her that I bloody well don't deserve and no one is going to stop me from doing everything I can to help her!" Helen started to get up and go back to the computer, but John caught her arm. "Let go, John."

He shook his head, gently reaching to wipe away the tear that had escaped her eye. She tried to turn away but he wouldn't let her. "Finish your breakfast," he quietly said, "And then tell me what I can do to help you with your work."

* * *

As it turned out, her overnight stint in the lab proved fruitful. Ashley's latest scans indicated that the serum Helen developed seemed to have a positive effect. Now it was just a matter of waiting.

Helen couldn't bring herself to leave her daughter's side; she couldn't let her wake up alone after everything she'd been through. She didn't let herself think too much about what Ashley's mental state would be when she regained consciousness. Her daughter had already been able to override the programming and genetic modifications that the Cabal had done to her; the idea that – after everything else – she would revert to a ruthless killing machine was too painful to consider.

She fell asleep in a chair at Ashley's bedside; John found her there around midnight and didn't have the heart to try to move her. He instead grabbed an extra blanket, draped it over her, and then settled down himself in the second chair that was on the other side of Ashley's bed. The two women looked so peaceful together; he could easily picture his daughter falling asleep with her mother as a child after being comforted about a nightmare.

"She needs you," he whispered to Ashley, "More than she probably ever realized – until it was too late."

* * *

John eventually fell asleep as well; when Helen awakened in the middle of the night, she smiled slightly to herself to see him across the room. A year earlier, if anyone had suggested to her that she and John might actually be a family, she would have immediately had them committed for psychiatric evaluation. But now…

As her sleep-addled brain began to clear and she started to attempt to stretch out the crick in her neck, Helen realized that the bed between her and John was no longer occupied. She reached for the switch to the lamp beside the bed, frantically looking around. Her eyes finally landed on a figure crouched on the floor in the corner. "Ashley?" she whispered as she stepped over to her. "Darling, are you all right?"

Ashley looked up and uttered three words that made Helen's blood run cold. "Who are you?"

* * *

TBC...


	11. Blank Slate

Helen stared at her daughter in shock. "Ashley, it's me."

She shook her head. "I don't know you. Where am I? What is this place?"

"You're home, darling."

Their voices awakened John, and he also looked up in surprise to see that his daughter was awake and out of bed. "Ashley…"

She jumped away, trying to keep her distance from both of them. "Stay away from me!"

"Ashley, you're safe here, I promise you," Helen tried.

"What, I'm supposed to take your word for that? You still haven't told me where 'here' is or who you are. You keep calling me Ashley; is that my name?"

Helen nodded. "Yes, it is. You're – this is a private medical facility. We're going to help you."

She warily looked back and forth between the pair of them. "Who the hell is 'we'?"

"We are your parents, Ashley," John informed her. Helen was reeling; she had finally succeeded in awakening her daughter, but this wasn't at all what she had been expecting.

Apparently Ashley, too, was having difficulty dealing with her new reality; after one more skeptical glance at the two of them, she tried to bolt for the door. Luckily, John was faster. "Let me go!" she howled as she tried to fight against him.

"Ashley, Ashley!" Helen told her, coming over and putting her hands on her shoulders. "Please, darling, calm down. You're safe."

"Oh, yeah, it sure feels like it!"

"I know you must be very frightened, but we want to help you; I swear to it."

She ceased her struggles for a moment, studying the woman before her carefully. "What happened to me?" she asked. "Why can't I remember anything?"

Helen and John exchanged a look. "You were in an accident," she finally said. "You were hurt very badly. We're going to do everything we can to make you better, but you must trust us. Please."

After a long hesitation, she finally relaxed, and John slowly let go of her. They all stood there for a moment, just testing to see what would happen, but Ashley didn't try to run again. "Thank you," Helen told her with a small smile.

* * *

Ashley very reluctantly allowed her mother to run some tests in order to get a better idea of what the treatment had and hadn't helped. Gregory joined his daughter in the lab while she did a CAT scan.

"Most of the damage has been repaired," she told her father as they both watched the output on her computer screen. "I'm uncertain at this point if her memory loss is due to the residual injuries or is psychological in nature."

"You mean a defense mechanism?" he asked.

Helen nodded. "After everything she's been through, it's entirely possible that her mind is unconsciously trying to protect itself from the memories."

He slowly nodded. "Don't you have a psychiatrist on your staff?"

"Indeed. I'll brief Will once he has awakened in the morning and see if he can evaluate her."

Gregory nodded. "Speaking of sleep, shouldn't you be getting some?" he pointed out. He knew that the few hours of rest she'd gotten in a chair beside her daughter's bed wasn't adequate for someone in her condition.

"Once Ashley is settled back in her room, I'll get a short nap before beginning the day," Helen promised her father.

"You know…we never got around to that conversation we were supposed to be having."

She sighed. "I was hoping it could stay that way. I've already thought of every point that you could make, Father. I know John's demons and I've been through all of this alone already."

He held his hands up in surrender, stopping her. "Wait, wait, wait. I'm well aware that you know all the arguments – and if we'd had this discussion when I first arrived, I probably would have made them anyway. But…I've gotten a chance to see the two of you together over the last several days. I know that John does care for you very much, and you've seen quite a lot during all your years. As long as you're happy, Helen – and as long as you're careful – then I'm happy for you."

She smiled. "Thank you, Father." As she started to turn back to her computer screen, Helen noticed that they were no longer alone in the lab. The Big Guy was hesitantly hanging out in the doorway and she nodded that he could enter. "What is it?" she asked him.

"I saw John in the kitchen. He said that Ashley was awake. I wanted…I needed to see her."

Helen smiled; the Big Guy had known her daughter since the day she was born, and he had always been looking out for Ashley during her childhood. The fact that she was now back with them was surely almost as significant for him as it was for her parents. "She is awake," she confirmed, "But I must warn you that she currently doesn't remember anything."

He frowned. "Nothing?"

Helen shook her head. "I don't know why yet, but – " She was interrupted by a beep from the scanner as it finished the tests that she'd programmed. The bed slid out and Ashley started to sit up. She absolutely froze, however, when she saw the Sasquatch standing with her mother and grandfather.

"What the hell is that?" she asked as she quickly got up, keeping her distance from all of them.

"Ashley, please don't be frightened," Helen told her, internally kicking herself for not realizing sooner that this could be a problem.

"What IS this place?!?"

"It's exactly what I told you," she assured her daughter. "A medical facility."

Ashley scoffed. "For monsters?"

Helen turned to her father. "Can you please take Ashley back to her room?" she asked him before directing her next sentence to her daughter. "I'll be there in a few minutes to discuss this facility, your test results, and anything else that you wish to ask."

She was glad to see that Ashley actually followed Gregory, although the blonde didn't take her eyes off of Helen and the Big Guy the entire way. "I'm sorry," Helen told him once they were gone. "I told you she doesn't remember, but I never thought…"

He shook his head. Having Ashley look at him with such…fear had been very painful, but he knew that Helen already had enough to worry about. "I understand."

"I'm going to find a way to help her," she promised. "We're going to get her back; I just have to figure out how."

"You will," he assured her as an alarm began to blare.

Helen quickly turned back to her computer and pulled up the program for the security system. "One of the external doors on the infirmary level has been opened."

"By whom?"

"I don't know."

* * *

They both headed for the elevator to go up to the right in the Sanctuary. As they approached the infirmary, Helen could see a figure sprawled on the floor.

"Father!" she exclaimed as she knelt beside him.

Gregory groaned as he rolled over, holding his head. She could see a rapidly forming bruise on his face. "What happened?"

"That's what I was going to ask you," Helen replied. "Where's Ashley?"

He sighed as he remembered. "It turned my back for a minute – she hit me. And she's stronger than she appears."

Helen turned to the Big Guy. "Go wake the others and start searching the grounds of the estate; we have to find her."

* * *

TBC...


	12. Running

_**A/N: Thanks again for the feedback I've been getting. I'll try to go a little easier on the cliffhangers for a bit. :-) It wasn't my original intention to do that many in a row, they just kept happening.**_

* * *

By the time Helen had finished checking over her father to ensure he hadn't suffered any serious injuries, Will, Henry, Big Guy, and John had completed their search of the Sanctuary's grounds. There was no trace of Ashley, but it wasn't too terribly far-fetched to think that she'd made it over the fence.

"We need to split into teams and get going," Will said as they all met up in the lab to get a plan together for the search. "She's got a decent head start and we still have an hour or so until dawn." Considering how confused and frightened Ashley was, wandering around Old City alone at night was a recipe for trouble.

Helen pointed to the map that she'd laid out on the table. "You two take this area," she told Will and Henry, indicating an area of several blocks. "And you two take this area," she added for the Big Guy and her father. "John and I will – "

"You're not going anywhere, Helen," he interrupted.

"This is not open for debate, John."

He nodded. "You're right; it's not. You're staying here. Ashley has already proven violent," he pointed out when she began to protest again, "And the risk to you is too great."

"He's right," Will softly chimed in. Helen stared at him for a moment before finally giving in.

"Fine," she quietly said. "John, take this area. All of you stay in contact by radio."

* * *

Ashley had no idea where she was going, but knew that she wasn't going to turn around. There was no way she was going back to that circus sideshow she'd just left. All those people just went about their day interacting with monsters and they thought that SHE was the one with brain damage?

She wasn't paying terribly much attention to her surroundings, which was how she didn't realize that she'd ended up with a street thug following along behind her. "Hey, baby, what you doing out here this time of the morning?" he asked.

"Leave me alone."

"Hey, I'm just trying to be sociable. Pretty thing like you shouldn't be out alone." He took in the fact that she was barefoot and still wearing the hospital scrubs-like clothes that she'd woken up in at the Sanctuary. "Where'd you get away from?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she replied.

He smiled. "Why don't you tell me and you'll find out?"

She turned around and glared. "Go away."

He pretended to be hurt. "You ain't gotta be like that."

"I believe she asked you to leave," a voice said, and they both turned to see Will.

"Hey, man, nobody asked you," the thug told him. Ashley took advantage of the momentary distraction and ran. However, as she turned the corner into another alley, she nearly ran into Henry.

"Easy, easy," he told her. "We're not going to hurt you."

"Yeah, right. You're probably going to turn me into some freak like others back at that place."

"We're trying to help you, I swear. Just come back with us and we'll talk this out."

She turned to run in another direction. "No way."

"Ashley, stop!" Will called to her, starting to give chase, but she didn't slow down. Wincing, Henry reached into the bag that was slung over his shoulder.

"I'm really sorry about this," he said as he pulled out a stunner and shot her. She fell to the pavement, hard.

"Are you crazy?" Will asked him as they both ran to check on her.

"It stopped her, didn't it?"

* * *

Helen was waiting at the door when the van pulled up outside. Will got out from behind the wheel and went around back to help Henry get Ashley out of the back. "What happened?" Helen asked when she realized that her tech expert was carrying her unconscious daughter.

Henry looked down. "It was the best that I could think of to make sure we got her back here without anyone getting hurt," he explained as he carried her inside and put her on a waiting gurney.

Helen frowned. "I don't understand."

"He stunned her," Will filled in, earning a glare from the other man.

"You did what?" Helen asked with wide eyes.

"She was running!" Henry exclaimed. "I'm sorry; you know I wouldn't hurt her!"

Helen sighed. "Both of you: go clean up and recall the others. I'll be in the infirmary."

* * *

Ashley awakened about an hour later to find herself looking up at the now-familiar ceiling of the Sanctuary's infirmary. As she turned her head, she saw that Helen was beside her bed, checking the readouts from the equipment beside her.

"How are you feeling?" the doctor asked.

Ashley tried to jump up – tried to get away – but quickly realized that both her wrists and ankles were tied to the bed. "What the hell?!?"

"I'm sorry about that," Helen told her, "But I need to ensure that you remain here while you're being treated."

"You can't do this!"

"You are safe here, Ashley, I swear to you. We're going to take care of you, make you better."

"Why the hell should I trust you?" she spat.

"I'm sure that you're frightened, but you'll see that we're not trying to harm you."

"I don't care what you're trying to do – you can't keep me here!"

"Where else would you go?" Helen asked, and Ashley had to admit that she did have a point. That didn't mean, however, that she had to like it.

"A mother wouldn't do this to her child," she declared, fighting against her bonds. "I don't believe a word that you say!"

Helen knew that their conversation wasn't going anywhere productive. "I'm sorry for this, Ashley, I am. I'm going to look at the results of your tests and I'll be back later with some breakfast for you."

"I don't want your food!" she yelled. "I don't want anything from you. Just let me go!"

"I can't do that."

She had just enough slack on her ankle restraints to bend her knee and knock over the tray that was over her bed. "I hate you," she declared. "If you were my mother, I'd kill myself!"

Helen froze. She knew that Ashley had no idea what she was talking about – had no idea how much those words would affect her after everything they'd been through – but they still cut her to the core. "I'm sorry," she softly said again before leaving.

Ashley screamed in frustration and struggled with her restraints a little bit more before finally giving up and throwing her head back against the pillows. Much to her displeasure, she wasn't going anywhere for the moment. She apparently would have plenty of time to plot her next escape, however. All these freaks had to do was give her an opportunity and she'd be gone in a heartbeat. Maybe she'd even get to slip out on the crazy doctor who claimed to be her mother. That idea brought a small smile to her face. How stupid did these people think she was? There was just no way that the woman's story could be true. Although…

As she started to calm down, she remembered the look on Helen's face after the last comment she made. The pain in her eyes. If it was all lies, then the woman was a truly gifted actress. So maybe…just maybe her story WAS the truth?

* * *

TBC...


	13. Discoveries

Late that night, John had to suppress a sigh when he came into the lab and found Helen asleep at her keyboard. Was she ever going to make his job of looking out for her a little easier?

He started to pick her up in order to take her up to her room, but she woke up in the process. "John?" she sleepily asked as regained consciousness and realized what he was doing.

"You need to get some proper rest, Helen," he told her.

She shook her head. "I have too much to do."

"And it will all still be waiting for you in the morning." He once again started to lift her into his arms, but she was having none of it and pushed his hands away.

"John, stop. I'm not an invalid and I'm quite awake now, thank you."

"Have you eaten dinner?" he asked.

"Will brought me a tray earlier."

"And did you actually eat what was on it?" he knowingly questioned.

She sighed. "Some of it." A little smile suddenly crossed her face. "The baby is moving."

John slid his hand over her stomach in order to feel. "Someone else agrees with me," he told her.

Helen raised an eyebrow. "Is that what you think?" Her eyes widened as she thought of something. "What's today's date?"

"The fifteenth. Why?"

"I meant to do an ultrasound today," she replied with a sigh. "It completely slipped my mind."

John knew there was absolutely no way he would convince her to go to bed without accomplishing that task first. "May I join you?" he asked.

Helen smiled. "Of course."

* * *

They headed up to the infirmary and Helen set up the equipment and ran the wand over her stomach. She first looked to ensure that everything was going well; the baby's heart rate was in the normal range and its size was as expected for this point in her pregnancy. She then began showing John what their child looked like. He had been away on missions during the last couple of times that she'd done this and therefore hadn't had the opportunity to see their child since it started looking more like a human being.

"Can you determine if it is a boy or a girl?" he asked.

Helen smiled. "I thought that you wanted to be old-fashioned and wait until the birth to find out?"

"Am I not allowed to change my mind?" John countered, which made her laugh. "You already know, don't you?"

"I do," she confirmed.

"Well?"

Her smile widened. "Say hello to your son."

John stared at the screen in disbelief. "A son?" Knowing that made things seem a little more real. The baby wasn't an 'it' anymore; it was a 'he'. He would have been happy with the news either way – the idea of actually being there for another little girl like Ashley was appealing. But now that he knew for certain, he couldn't help a feeling of pride that was as old as time. They were going to have a son!

"I made that determination a few weeks ago," Helen told him. "I was looking forward to you learning the news as well."

John leaned over and kissed her. "I love you," he told her. "You and our son."

She smiled. "We love you as well."

* * *

When Helen came down to the infirmary in the morning to check on her daughter, she was glad to see that Ashley was in a better mood. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she checked over the readings on the monitors.

"My arms are kind of sore," she replied.

Helen frowned. "I'm sorry."

"Can you please untie me? I'm not going anywhere. Really," she added at Helen's skeptical look.

She hesitated a moment before reaching to undo the cuffs. The fact that Ashley was actually ASKING to be let go instead of demanding it had to mean something, right? And if she didn't show a little trust herself, they were never going to earn her daughter's.

"Thanks," Ashley said as she sat up, rubbing at her wrists.

Helen nodded. "You're welcome."

"So…you're really my mother?"

"I am indeed."

"And that other guy that was in here…was his name John?" Helen nodded. "He's my father?"

"Yes."

She slowly shook her head. "I don't remember you at all."

"I know."

"Okay…I'll stay and let you do whatever you want to try to make me better, but I've got two conditions," Ashley told her.

"Name them."

"Tell me everything you're doing before you do it. I'm not a lab rat."

"Understood. What else?"

"I want to know what this place is. And not just the same line that it's a 'medical facility'. For what? What do you do? And…why?"

Helen smiled slightly. "Do you feel up to taking a little walk?"

* * *

They ran into John in the hallway as they left the infirmary; he was extremely wary once he learned what Helen's intended destination was, but she insisted that Ashley needed to see the truth that she'd asked for.

"There are many things in this world that we don't understand," she explained to her daughter as all three of them rode the elevator down to the main level of the Sanctuary. "I have devoted my life to expanding our knowledge of the beings that inhabit this world."

"And I assume you're talking about strange and abnormal kinds of 'beings'," she replied.

Helen smiled, wondering if that coment had been unconscious. "That's precisely what I call them."

The elevator stopped and the door opened. Helen led the way to the lab area and just stood and waited while Ashley took it all in.

"Oh, my God…" she whispered as she looked at the different enclosures that surrounded them.

"This is the world that you were born into," Helen quietly told her. "A world where all facets of life are respected."

"Hey, Ash, welcome back!" Two-Faced Guy said as he walked by. It took her a moment to recognize her name and the fact that he was speaking to her. She was then pretty startled when she realized that his second face was glaring at her as he passed by.

"A-are any of these things…dangerous?" she asked her mother.

"The ones that are remain in their cells for the protection of all."

Ashley took another look around the room. "Are these it?"

Helen smiled. "Not at all. Come with me."

They walked through a couple of the other levels on their way to a specific enclosure. Ashley frowned slightly as she saw the large number of little creatures within a habitat. "What are those?"

"Scientific name Nubina Atelerix," Helen told her. "You preferred to call them Nubbins."

"You mean I actually…worked with them?"

"Yes. They were among your favorites of our residents."

"So they're safe?" Ashley asked.

"As long as they remain in a certain climate, yes."

One of the nubbins hopped over to the glass and purred softly. Ashley hesitantly put her fingers against the pane, but a smile crossed her face as the nubbin bounced up and down. "Hey, little guy," she quietly told it. "You're kinda cute…Even if I still have no idea what you are."

* * *

TBC...


	14. Ugly Truth

The next couple of months were difficult. Helen devised a few different treatment options for her daughter, but none of them were able to restore her memory. After a fourth idea had no effect, she was starting to get frustrated. Helen Magnus wasn't accustomed to failure.

"Maybe it's time to take a step back," John suggested as they lay together on the bed in her – or rather, THEIR – room that night. "Is there a different approach you can try?"

"I don't know, I just…I see her walking through the house looking around as if she's waiting for something to finally register, to finally be familiar. I hate that I can't solve this for her."

"You will find a solution, Helen."

She smiled sadly. "You seem so sure."

"I am. I know you and I know that you can do anything. But do not lose sight of what we already have. She is alive and mostly healthy. And we will soon have two children." Their fingers intertwined over her protruding abdomen. As if he knew they were speaking about him, they could feel their son kicking.

"Thank you," Helen told John. "I needed that."

He nodded. "Anytime."

After a moment of thought, she sighed. "I'm far behind where I wanted to be in preparing for his arrival," she confessed.

"You still have more than a month and a half."

"You'll be surprised how quickly that time disappears," she replied. "With Ashley, I started planning her nursery before I was even showing. After waiting so long for her… I wanted to make sure that everything was right – that everything was perfect. I regret that I haven't been able to devote the same attention to our son."

"You'll get everything accomplished," John assured her. "You have several people willing to assist you with whatever you need." He offered her a smile. "I have a surprise for you. I was going to wait to share it, but…"

Helen returned his grin. "What kind of surprise?" He got up and went over to the closet and returned with a small shopping bag a moment later. He handed it to Helen and her smile widened as she reached inside and pulled out a tiny pale blue sleeper and matching hat. "Oh, John…"

"The woman at the store assured me that it was the correct size for a newborn," he told her as he sat back down with her. "I was skeptical; it seems improbable that a human being could be so tiny."

She laughed. "Don't be concerned; he won't stay that small for very long."

* * *

Ashley was just as concerned about her situation as her mother was. She could understand when they told her that she had a family and a home, but she had no memories of or emotional connection to either. The Sanctuary was still a scary place – she mainly kept away from the lower levels and stayed in the main part of the house. Helen always tried to get her more involved in life around the estate, but so far Ashley hadn't taken her up on it.

She sat on her bed in her room, staring at the piece of paper in her hands. She had seen the page on Helen's desk earlier that morning and hadn't been able to stop herself from taking it once her mother had left the room to go down to the lab. On the page was a black and white photo that had been taken during her mother's last sonogram. This was the first time Ashley was seeing her soon-to-be-born sibling.

Helen had invited her a couple times to join her and John when she did checkups, but Ashley had declined. Just like she'd declined her mother's dinner invitations and offers to go through the lab together. She wasn't sure what was holding her back – everyone had been very kind to her and she knew by now that she could trust them, but there was just something…

With a sigh, she got up. She definitely wasn't going to make anything better by continuing to hide in her room. Perhaps it was a lack of effort on her part that was keeping her from remembering her past. As she glanced at the window, she saw that she sun was starting to go down; maybe she could go find Helen and take her up on one of those dinner offers that she'd made.

When Ashley got down to the lab, she realized that her mother was having a video conference call; four of the screens hanging from the ceiling showed the faces of other Sanctuary leaders. Not wanting to interrupt, she hung back to wait for the meeting to be completed. What she didn't realize was that she was still on-camera where she was standing.

The leader of the New Dehli Sanctuary froze mid-sentence when he saw Ashley enter the field of view. Helen turned around to see what had caught his attention. "Are you all right?" she asked her daughter.

She nodded. "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt."

"It's not a problem; I'll be finished in a moment." Helen turned back to the screens, but quickly came to the realization that the meeting would not be continuing.

"You… I am sorry, Dr. Magnus," the head of the Indian facility told her, "But…you are letting her just…walk freely?"

Helen nodded. "She is my daughter, Rakesh. She's no longer a threat."

The man was visibly shaken. "Tell that to eleven of my staff… Tell that to my wife!" He managed to reign himself back in after that outburst. "I know that she is your child, but that is not all that she is."

"I wish I could bring Avanti back," Helen told him. "I wish I could bring back all those who we lost in the Cabal attacks."

Rakesh set his jaw. "It doesn't seem as though YOU've lost much of anything," he pointed out. Helen knew they would find no agreement on this issue. She had lost multiple friends in the attacks, but certainly wasn't going to point that out to a man who had watched his wife die. Once again, she was reminded of how much she still had in her life – how could she complain about her daughter's ongoing health problems when others had lost so much more?

"I believe that we're finished for today, gentlemen," she told the other Sanctuary leaders.

As everyone ended the call, Ashley stepped forward. "What was he talking about?" she asked her mother. "He's angry that I survived the attack on this Sanctuary?"

Helen sighed. "Yes…but not for the reasons you would think. I haven't been completely truthful with you, Ashley, about how you were injured. I didn't want to overwhelm you with too much information when you first awakened and…the time was never right after that."

She frowned. "You told me that there was an explosion here at the Sanctuary, and that you were under attack by people who were against your work with abnormals. Were those people the Cabal that you mentioned?"

Helen nodded. "What I didn't tell you, Ashley, was that you were the one who led the attack."

* * *

TBC...

_**A/N: Yeah, I know, another cliffhanger. Don't kill me!**_


	15. Sorting Things Out

"What I didn't tell you, Ashley, was that you were the one who led the attack."

She just stared at her mother in shock. "Is this a joke?" she finally asked.

Helen shook her head. "I wish that it were."

"How could I have led some attack against this place? Didn't you say that I worked with you here? What, were you lying about that, too?"

"No, that was the truth. A couple months before you were injured, you went on a mission to try to collect information about a Cabal weapon that was going to result in thousands of deaths. It didn't go well. They caught you, drugged you, and were able to control you and get you to help them."

"How?"

"I'm still not entirely sure. The treatments modified your DNA, made you…not yourself. You did whatever they wanted, and they wanted the complete destruction of the Sanctuary Network."

Ashley looked away, starting to pace. "So…I attacked the Sanctuaries?" she asked, still disbelieving. She then remembered Rakesh's words: _Tell that to eleven of my staff. Tell that to my wife!_ "Did I…did I kill people?"

Helen swallowed hard. "Yes…You didn't know what you were doing, Ashley. You weren't in control of yourself."

"How do you know that?" she shot back. "I don't even know if I should trust you!"

"I'm telling you the truth. I wish with every fiber of my being that it wasn't. I wish I had stopped you from going on that mission in the first place and none of this would have ever happened."

Ashley turned away from her. "I need to go and think."

"Ashley – "

"Just leave me alone!" she cried before running out of the lab.

* * *

They all stayed clear of her for the rest of the night. Ashley shut herself in her bedroom and locked the door. Helen had known it would be a lot for her to handle; it was why they hadn't told her in the first place. If Ashley had woken up whole, with her memories, Helen knew that her daughter would have had a very difficult time dealing with the knowledge of her actions. She might have been a very tough girl, but she definitely wasn't heartless. Helen hadn't expected that this memory-less version of her daughter would handle the truth much better.

When Henry came down into the kitchen late that night to get a drink, he smiled to see there was already someone in the room. "Midnight snack?" he asked Helen as he opened the refrigerator.

She smiled sheepishly as she put her spoon back into the pint of Ben and Jerry's that was in front of her on the counter. "I couldn't help it. Apparently someone likes chocolate."

Henry poured himself a cup of juice and then joined her. "What, no pickles on top of that?"

Helen shuddered at the idea. "God, no. This little one's apparently just fond of sweets. I had similar cravings with Ashley."

He smiled, but it faded after a moment. "Did Ashley ever come out of her room?"

"No. I thought it would be best to just leave her be until morning."

Henry nodded. "Gotcha."

Silence lingered for a few moments as they each worked on their respective midnight snacks. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to take on a new project?" Helen finally asked.

He shrugged. "Depends on what it is."

"A time machine."

Henry laughed slightly. "Well, that's a mighty tall order, but for you? I'll see what I can do."

Helen smiled. "Do I say often enough how much I appreciate all of you?" she asked. "And not just for the work you do around the Sanctuary, but…"

He gently put his hand over hers. "Yeah, Boss. We know." Henry finished the last sip of his drink and put the cup in the sink. "Enjoy your ice cream," he told her as he headed back out of the room.

"Thank you."

* * *

When Ashley woke up in the morning, she was starving since she'd skipped dinner. She headed for the kitchen and got herself some toast and juice. The whole house was quiet and peaceful, and she tried to imagine what it must have been like during the attack. She couldn't picture herself leading a team that was bent on killing and destroying everything that her mother had worked for.

She headed down into the Sanctuary's main levels and walked through the halls of enclosures, just looking at the creatures that lived inside. She ended up at the Nubbins' habitat and smiled slightly to herself as she watched them bouncing around.

How could she have ever wanted to hurt them? How could anyone be so intolerant of something different from them that they'd decide it had to die?

"Hey," she heard a voice say and turned to see Henry walking down the hall behind her.

"Hi."

"How're you doing this morning?"

"You know?" she asked.

"That you had a pretty rough night? Yeah, I do."

Ashley nodded her acceptance of that. "I don't know how I am. I'm just…confused."

"Yeah, I can imagine. Hey, I, uh, brought you something." He pulled a small object out of his pocket and handed it to her. Ashley just stared at it for a moment – it was a coil made of clay and brightly painted with every color in the rainbow. It seemed as though it had been made by a child or someone with a lack of coordination skills; the coil wasn't exactly circular and the colors had mixed in a couple places.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Beats me," Henry replied with a laugh. "You made it for me. A present for my first birthday at the Sanctuary. It was an art project from the summer camp you were going to at the time."

Ashley turned the object over a couple times in her hands, trying to determine its purpose. "You never asked me what it was for?" she inquired somewhat incredulously.

"No way. I think you were about seven and SO excited and proud that you'd come up with a present all by yourself. There was no way I was going to ruin that."

"You thought I would be mad if you asked?" she inquired, confused.

"Yeah, I guess. Look, the thing is that giving that to me made you happy. I hadn't had anybody just…care about me for no reason before – except your mom, of course. I just thought you should know. That's the person that you were, the person that all of us loved and missed. And that's all that matters."

Ashley just stared at him, surprised. "Thank you," she finally said.

Henry nodded. "No problem."

* * *

TBC...


	16. Reparations

_**A/N: With the holiday coming up, I'm putting up two chapters today. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in the States, and to everyone else... Happy Thursday! I'm very thankful for the feedback I've gotten. :-)**_

* * *

The following afternoon, Will was on his way to Helen's office when he passed by the open door of Ashley's bedroom. "Hey," he called to her as he went by, but stopped and backed up when he didn't get a response. "Ashley?" She was just standing in the middle of her room, eyes closed, seemingly oblivious to the world. "Ash?" he asked again.

She finally looked up. "Oh. Sorry. What-what are you doing here?"

"Checking on you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she quickly replied, but Will wasn't buying it.

"What were you doing?"

Ashley sighed. She knew that she needed someone to talk to – preferably someone who wasn't either of her parents. "If I tell you things, you can't tell anyone else, right? Because you're a doctor?"

"Depends on whether I just walked in with my friend hat or my psychiatrist's hat on."

"Could you pull out the latter?"

Will pretended to switch invisible hats. "Done. What's going on?"

"I…I'm trying to figure out how to teleport," she admitted.

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I talked with Helen yesterday; she tried to explain everything about what happened to me. She said that the Cabal messed with my DNA and that gave me a bunch of different abilities – I could teleport like John."

"Yeah, among other things," Will replied.

"I know that some of that is why I'm still alive – it was an unconscious thing – but I guess the others I have to consciously know about and want to use."

"Why do you need to be able to use them?" he asked.

"I don't know. I don't NEED to, I guess, I just… I wanted to know what it was like. At one point I asked if this was a hospital for monsters; I guess I am one, too, huh?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly by choice."

"Yeah… It's not like I ever want to try and turn into a vampire again – I don't even want to think about that. I just wanted to know what I could do. I mean, Helen doesn't even know what abilities I picked up in the first place. Maybe I'm going to stay frozen in time now like she is."

Will shrugged. "It's a possibility. Did you talk to Magnus about doing more tests or something to figure it out?"

"No. I'm just…still trying to wrap my head around the idea. I feel like I'm constantly trying to figure out who I am and where I fit into things, but the pieces keep shifting and I have to start over with the puzzle."

"Yeah, the past few months have been pretty rough," he agreed.

"And even as I sit here trying to figure out how to do this, I'm also kind of scared to do it. I'm afraid I'm going to give myself brain damage like John."

Will sighed. "Magnus really did tell you everything, didn't she?"

Ashley nodded. "Oh, yeah. It was a very long and interesting discussion. I should have been born almost a century before I was and my father was Jack the Ripper. Ask how much sleep I got last night?"

"Not much?" he surmised.

"No…The Cabal messed with me the same way the Source Blood messed with the Five – only even more so."

"Yeah, but Magnus came up with a cure for Druitt. So even if something does happen to you…"

"There's no way to know if it would work. Like I said, I got screwed up a lot more than he did. And we already know that my regenerative abilities can't fix absolutely everything that happens to me. The idea that I could be a killer again is really kinda terrifying."

"Yeah, you've got a lot on your plate, Ash," he agreed. "But there's nothing that has to get figured out right this minute and none of us are going anywhere. If you want to explore using your abilities, talk to your mom and she'll make sure it's safe. If you don't, that's cool, too. And if you just want to talk, my door's always open."

She nodded. "Thanks, Will."

"Anytime." He continued on his way, leaving her to contemplate their conversation. She was making some progress on accepting who she was. Accepting what she'd done was going to take more time…but maybe there was a way to make a start.

* * *

The main lab downstairs was empty since everyone was busy elsewhere with other projects. Ashley had seen which computer her mother used for the communications system and pulled up a list of often-used contacts. The New Dehli Sanctuary wasn't hard to find.

As Rakesh's face appeared on the video screen, she steeled herself for his reaction. "I'm sure that talking to me is probably the last thing you ever want to do," she told him, "But please just listen." He didn't immediately end the call, or try to say anything, so she took that as a good sign.

"I understand that there's never going to be a way for me to make up for the things I've done, but I want you to know I am sorry. I didn't have control, but it was still me. I'm going to spend my life doing whatever I can to honor the memory of the people who were lost. I hope that you won't think any less of Dr. Magnus for giving me that opportunity."

Rakesh studied her for a long moment before speaking. "I will be watching to see what you make of this second chance that you have been given," he told her.

Ashley nodded. "I know."

* * *

TBC...


	17. Acclimating

_**A month later...**_

Helen made her way down the hallway toward the elevator to the Sanctuary, one hand pressed to the small of her back to offset her rounded stomach. She was supposed to already be in bed, at John's insistence, but she'd seen from the security cameras that Henry, Will, and Big Guy had just returned with their latest capture and she couldn't resist a trip to the lab.

They'd thought that all merfolk in the wild had been wiped out two years ago, but they had just found another – though injured – and brought him to join the one living at the Sanctuary for protection. Helen just HAD to go see him tonight; she would sleep far better. It had not been easy for 'Sally' (that was the name Henry and Will insisted on calling the Sanctuary's first resident mermaid) believing that she was all that remained of her species.

As the elevator descended toward the main lab, Helen was startled when a red flash appeared beside her. "John!"

"I thought you were going to sleep?" he asked. He'd coaxed her out of her office himself earlier in the night, knowing she needed to rest.

"I was, but the team just got back and I wished to see them."

He sighed. With a week and a half to go until her due date, she was supposed to be relaxing as much as possible, but of course Helen couldn't keep away from her work. Both John and Gregory had had quite a task on their hands trying to limit the number of hours she was in the lab or her office. Henry and Will were supposed to be helping by handling any issues that came up on their own instead of bringing them to the boss, but usually Helen would find out anyway and get involved. She'd been up all night two days ago when the Nubbins caught some kind of infection.

"Stay for no more than fifteen minutes, Helen."

She smiled at him, amused. "Do you think you are my father now, John?"

"I can wake him if you'd prefer to have this conversation with him," he shot back.

Helen sighed. "Twenty minutes, and then I'll go to bed."

"Fifteen," John repeated, and she knew he wasn't going to budge.

"As you wish."

The elevator door opened as they reached the main level of the lab. "Doc!" Henry exclaimed as he saw her. "What are you doing down here?"

"Checking in on our newest resident." Henry led her over to the mermaid enclosure.

"Well," he said, "As you can see…" A moment later, both merfolk swam up to the glass. 'Sally' put her hand against the surface, and Helen copied the gesture. She smiled a moment later as the mermaid communicated with her telepathically.

"You're quite welcome," she replied. "Any problems?" she asked Henry as she turned away.

He shook his head. "Nope. We'll do final checks of all the systems and then call it a night. You should go rest; I'm surprised that this guy," he indicated John with a tip of his head, "Hasn't forced you off to bed yet."

Helen smiled at the pointed look that John was giving her. "All right, you win," she told him. "Have a good night, Henry. Tell Will I said the same and my thanks to both of you."

He nodded. "Will do, Boss. Goodnight!"

* * *

As Helen and John got back on the elevator, Ashley approached Henry. She'd just finished checking in on the Nubbins and seen her parents speaking with the Sanctuary's tech guru. She'd been trying her best to become more involved with the Sanctuary recently, but she still felt distant from the people around her. Knowing about her connections to them and actually feeling those connections were two different things. Seeing the relationships that the other members of the staff had with her mother made her slightly jealous – it was all so easy for them. What would her relationship with Helen be like if she could remember growing up with her mother?

Henry looked away from the merfolk when he saw Ashley. "Hey," he told her. "How are the invisi-rodents doing?"

She frowned. "The what? Oh, you mean the Nubbins?"

"Yeah."

"The little ones are still kinda sick, but the older ones are doing better."

"That's good, I guess."

"You don't like them very much, do you?" she deduced.

Henry shrugged. "It's a long story."

Ashley slowly nodded. There were so many 'long stories' that she didn't know the punchline to. Sometimes she wondered if she'd ever be able to remember her old life, or would always be this shell. "Right…Well, I guess I should get some sleep."

"Yeah, I'm not far behind you on that. Have a good night," he told her with a smile.

"You, too."

* * *

The next morning, Helen looked up from the clothes she was folding and putting away in the baby's nursery at the sound of a knock on the door frame. "Ashley," she greeted her with a smile. "Come in, please."

The blonde looked around as she obliged. "Wow. You've made a lot of progress in here." A white crib with pale blue bedding was in one corner, with a matching dresser and changing table against the opposite wall. A few stuffed animals and other toys were piled on the floor beside the crib, not having found a home yet.

Helen's smile widened as she also looked at what had been accomplished over the last couple of weeks. "Better late than never," she commented.

"I…I wanted to ask you some questions," Ashley hesitantly began.

"Of course. On what subject?"

She handed her mother the papers that she was holding. They'd been printed off of the course catalog website for New City University. "I was thinking of taking some sciences classes – so I could understand what's going on around here a little better – and wanted your opinion on what you thought was best."

Helen smiled as she looked through the papers. The idea that Ashley wanted to be more involved in the Sanctuary had her terribly excited. "You should start with the basics," she told her daughter. "Try first year chemistry and biology and see where your interests go from there." She pulled those two pages to the top and handed them back to her daughter.

Ashley nodded. "That's what I was thinking, but I wasn't sure if I could handle both."

"You handled them very well before," Helen replied.

Ashley looked up in surprise. "I've already taken these classes?" She nodded. "But I thought you told me that I wasn't into school before?"

"I didn't say that you enjoyed them," Helen answered with a smile, "But you did finish them. We had a deal that you would attempt school and complete your Associates Degree. You then decided to return to helping at the Sanctuary full time."

"And you let me do that?"

Helen nodded. "You upheld your end of our arrangement. You were never very interested in your schoolwork – even as a little girl – but I wanted you to have opportunities open to you, if you later chose to pursue them." Ashley looked away. "I'm sorry if talking about it makes you uncomfortable."

She shook her head. "No, I just…I wish I remembered."

Helen watched her for a moment. "As do I," she quietly replied.

"I should go finish making my course schedule," Ashley said as she got up. "Thank you."

"Anytime," Helen started to say, but didn't get past the second syllable before trailing off with a grimace of pain. Ashley was instantly concerned.

"Are you all right?" she asked as she watched her mother's eyebrows knit and her hands move to her rounded belly. Helen didn't answer. Ashley quickly headed out the door and down the hall, calling, "John!" as she went.

He stepped out of his bedroom as she got to the door. "What is it?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. Something's wrong."

In a flash of red, he disappeared, rematerializing a moment later at Helen's side. "What happened?" he asked her as he knelt next to her chair and took her hand.

Helen sighed as the pain dissipated. "I'm fine," she tried to assure him as Ashley stood in the doorway.

"Was that…"

"A contraction?" she filled in for him. "Yes."

"Your first?" John felt the need to ask, even though he was relatively certain what the answer would be.

"Not exactly," Helen replied. "I've been having them every so often since about 5 AM."

John's eyes widened. "That was nearly six hours ago!"

She smiled slightly. "I have done this before, John. I would have alerted you once it was necessary – and I believe that that time has now come."

_

* * *

_

TBC...


	18. A New Resident

Helen had decided early on in her pregnancy that her son would be born at the Sanctuary, just like her daughter was. Once word spread throughout the mansion of what was happening, the rest of the staff quickly took seats in the study outside of the infirmary to wait.

"How long do you think this is going to take?" Henry asked the assembled group, which included Will, Ashley, Gregory, and the Big Guy. A few of the Sanctuary's other residents who were allowed to roam about had been checking in with them occasionally, too.

"Could be a day or more," Big Guy replied. "It took 26 hours for her." He indicated Ashley with a tip of his head. Her cheeks instantly flamed red at the idea of putting her mother through such an ordeal for that long.

"The Boss seemed okay, though, right?" Henry asked the blonde. Ashley had been the only one of them to actually see Helen that morning and they'd all been looking to her for reassurance that the Sanctuary's leader would be all right. She had her own concerns on that matter; Ashley knew that her mother was healthy, as was her brother, but was still afraid that something would go wrong. What would everyone else around the Sanctuary do without her? What would she do without the mother she was just getting to know?

"Yeah," she answered Henry with a slight nod. "She seemed…like herself."

"She is very strong," Big Guy affirmed.

* * *

If John had heard the Sasquatch's description of the mother of his children, he would have agreed wholeheartedly. He'd originally been extremely uncertain about Helen's request that he be present during their son's birth – that simply wasn't done during the time period that they had both grown up in. The idea of having to see her in extreme pain hadn't been very appealing to him, either. But he wasn't about to say no, despite his misgivings. What madam wanted, madam got. He was at her side throughout the day, only leaving the room a few times to give the others quick updates or get small snacks for Helen so she could keep her energy up.

"How is she?" Ashley asked when he stepped out of the room around five o'clock in the evening.

"She's doing very well," he told his daughter, knowing that it was a gross understatement. However, he wasn't sure if an accurate enough word had been invented yet to describe how amazing he thought Helen was. She'd remained calm and quiet over the past six hours, internalizing everything. Her iron grip on his hand was usually the only external sign of the pain she was in.

"How far along is she?" Will asked from his spot in one of the other chairs.

John offered him a small smile. "I don't think it's going to be much longer." After grabbing a bottle of juice from the little cooler that had been brought down from the kitchen, he disappeared back through the door.

Ashley sighed as she sat down in her chair again. Will noticed how tense she seemed. "You okay?" he asked, closing the lid of his laptop.

"Fine," she tightly replied.

Gregory offered his granddaughter a small smile. He, too, was worried about Helen - and he knew far more details than the others about the things that could go wrong during childbirth. He had lost his wife on the day that he became a father. However, there was no need to share that information.

"They'll be all right," he tried to reassure Ashley. She didn't reply. Will went back to his computer, knowing they weren't going to get anything out of her that she wasn't willing to share.

Henry returned from his lab a few minutes later, his own laptop in his hands. He and Will had been disappearing back to their respective offices for short periods throughout the afternoon to get some work done. They both knew that Helen would have their heads later if she found out they'd been neglecting her facility. "Did I miss anything?" he asked as he sat back down.

Will shook his head. "John came out for a minute, said it should be pretty soon."

"I guess I oughta go call the Big Guy back, then," he decided. "He's doing rounds."

"Probably not a bad idea."

* * *

About a half hour later, the five of them were sitting together and talking (or at least everyone but Ashley was talking) when they heard a noise through the closed infirmary door, the cries of a new life that had just entered the world. All of them immediately got to their feet.

"That's a good sign, right?" Henry asked as the hysterical wails continued.

Will laughed. "I think that's a really good sign."

A few minutes later, the midwife opened the door and gestured that it was all right for them to go inside. Helen was lying on the bed, John beside her, with their still-whimpering son cradled in her embrace. Will, Henry, Gregory, and the Big Guy immediately made their way over to her, but Ashley hung back. After watching the scene for a moment from the doorway, she silently turned away and left.

"He's beautiful," Will told Helen as he got a look at the baby, leaning over to kiss her cheek. She looked exhausted, but happier than he'd ever seen her.

"I can see a father-son resemblance," Henry joked as he gently ran a finger over the baby's bald little head. Helen laughed.

"He's got his mother's eyes," John pointed out. "And lungs."

She gave him a sideways look. "What precisely is that supposed to mean?"

John smiled. "Nothing, my love," he insisted before kissing her.

As Helen looked up, she realized that the four men were alone. "Where's Ashley?" she asked.

They turned around, looking back in surprise. "She was right here," Will told her.

"Yeah, she's been sitting outside that door the whole day without moving," Henry chimed in. "I don't know where she went."

Helen forced a smile. "I'm sure that she'll return."

"Do you have a name picked out?" Will asked, trying to change the subject.

"We do," she confirmed, offering her father a smile. "James Gregory."

His eyes were suspiciously bright. "I'm honored," he told his daughter.

The others smiled. "Fits him well," Henry observed.

The Big Guy stepped forward, offering a small object for the baby – a little doll of sticks and string that he'd made himself. He had given Ashley a similar gift at her birth. "Welcome to the world, James Gregory," he softly told the newborn.

* * *

TBC...


	19. Family

Little James needed to be fully cleaned up, fed, and examined, and Helen wanted to have dinner and move back up to her bedroom. While everyone else took care of them, John decided to go looking for his daughter. The fact that she'd run away after spending the entire day waiting concerned him, and – despite the fact that she hadn't said anything about it – he knew that it concerned Helen, too.

After a bit of time looking through the mansion, he finally found his daughter up on the roof, looking out on the city across the river. "There you are," he commented as he sat beside her on the wall. "Why did you leave?"

She shrugged slightly, but didn't answer. John was perfectly fine with waiting for her to be ready to talk, so they spent a few minutes in amicable silence before Ashley got the courage to speak up. "Was it like that when I was born?" she wondered. "With people around and Helen being so happy?"

For a moment, John imagined seeing his daughter as a newborn. Helen had shown him a picture at one point; she'd had wispy blonde hair and big blue eyes. He wished with all his heart that he could have been there with her for the moments he was now having with his son.

"I wasn't at your birth," he reminded her. "I wish I had been, but…" He left that sentence unfinished; they both knew there was no way to change the past. "However, knowing your mother – knowing how long she waited for you and how much she thought about what your life would be like – I'm sure that she was ecstatic."

Ashley was quiet again for a while. "I wish I could remember," she finally said. "I wish I could be the daughter that she loved."

John took her hand in his. "You already are, Ashley. You have no idea…Our worlds came apart when we thought we had lost you. To be standing here beside you…Having you back is such an incredible gift. To ask for anything more… We are both elated to have you exactly as you are."

* * *

He left her up on the roof to do some more thinking in peace. Eventually the chilly night air drove her back inside in order to warm up. Ashley knew that she should go see her mother and brother and so headed toward Helen's bedroom. As she approached the open doorway, she could hear her mother softly singing a song.

"Sweet dreams form a shade o'er my lovely infant's head, sweet dreams of pleasant streams by happy silent moony beams. Sweet sleep with soft down, weave they brows an infant crown. Sweet sleep angel mild, hover o'er my happy child…"

The tune was familiar, and she suddenly had a memory of sitting by a fireplace, wrapped in blankets and her mother's arms, as Helen sang the exact same song to her.

_Sweet smiles in the night, hover o'er my delight. Sweet smiles, Mother's smiles, all the livelong night beguiles…_

She wasn't sure how, but she knew it was something she'd heard many times – that they'd sat together like that on several nights. And her younger self had been absolutely certain that there wasn't any place on Earth that was safer than in her mother's embrace.

As Ashley stepped closer to the doorway, Helen noticed her presence and smiled up at her. "I was wondering where you'd gotten to," she told her daughter.

"I'm sorry," she started to say but Helen shook her head.

"It's all right. Do you want to see your brother?" She nodded and drew nearer to the bed. The baby was nearly asleep, his little ocean-colored eyes blinking open every once and a while as if to check on what he would be missing.

"He's amazing," Ashley whispered as she ran a single gentle finger over her brother's tiny hand.

Helen smiled. "His name is James Gregory – after your Godfather and Grandfather," she explained. Ashley frowned slightly.

"My Godfather?"

She slowly nodded, remembering the first time that James Watson had seen her daughter. He'd been the one anxiously waiting outside of the infirmary and she'd been touched by the gentleness he showed when he first held her little girl. The look of surprise and pride on his face when she asked him to be Ashley's godfather was something that Helen would always remember. "He died about a year ago," she quietly told her daughter. "James worked with me and your father."

Ashley looked back down at her brother, watching him continue to fight sleep – a losing battle. "I heard you singing to him."

Helen smiled slightly. "I don't have much of a voice, but I've always liked that song. My father sang it to me when I was a girl."

"You sang it to me when I was little, didn't you?" she asked. "We would sit by the fireplace…here in your room."

Helen looked up, her eyes wide. "You remember that?"

"I-I think so. I'm not sure. It was familiar to me and I thought I remembered…"

"You used to love it," Helen told her.

Ashley slowly nodded, watching James, who appeared to be truly asleep now. "I should let you rest," she told her mother. "I'll come back in the morning."

"You don't have to go," Helen tried to tell her, but she shook her head with a shy smile.

"John's going to come back soon, I'm sure, and he'll probably agree with me that you should get some sleep."

Helen knew that was true, and therefore simply nodded. "All right. Goodnight, Ashley."

"Goodnight, Mom," the blonde said before disappearing through the doorway. She had no idea that she'd left her mother absolutely speechless in her room. The term had slipped out of her mouth unconsciously, feeling incredibly normal, but it meant everything to Helen. She hadn't heard her daughter call her 'Mom' since the moments before her 'death.'

Helen looked down at her sleeping son with a smile. Perhaps she had actually gotten two children that day.

* * *

TBC...

_A/N: The lullaby in this chapter was written by William Blake._


	20. Secrets

Helen truly was exhausted after what she'd been through that day, and so soon fell asleep. John kept watch over her and their son for several hours, unable to sleep even though he, too, was tired. Little James was so tiny, so fragile. The idea of being responsible for the newborn was mildly terrifying. He couldn't fathom how Helen had managed this on her own twenty-four years earlier.

When James awakened in the middle of the night, John took him out of the room to give him a bottle so that they wouldn't disturb Helen. The baby had no interest in going back to sleep once he'd had his fill, so John decided that perhaps a little walk was in order.

On the main level of the lab, he held his son in the middle of the room. "This is your home," he told the baby. "This is the world you were born into, a world of things that defy imagination. Everything here is what your mother has spent two lifetimes working for. She wouldn't ever want you to be afraid of the unknown."

The baby looked around with clear blue eyes, and John could swear that James was trying to take in everything about the Sanctuary, even though he knew his son could only focus on things that were a short distance from his face. "Do you want the grand tour?" he asked the baby before heading over to the nearest enclosure. "Your mother is far more knowledgeable about them than I am, but I'll do my best. This is an elemental…"

* * *

Ashley was on her way to bed after checking on the Nubbins when she noticed her father and brother were in the lab. She didn't mean to eavesdrop, but once she heard him start talking to James, she couldn't help herself.

"Perhaps someday you will follow in your mother's footsteps," John told the baby, who was slowly getting sleepy, as they finished walking around the main level, "But you don't have to. Whatever makes you happy will make us happy…This world can be a scary place, my boy, but we will do everything we can to protect you…even if the thing you need protecting from is me."

That got Ashley's attention – why would they need protection from their father? Helen had told her that the side effects of his powers were under control now… weren't they?

John smiled at his son as the tiny boy let out a large yawn. "I'm a selfish man, James, but I promised myself and your mother that I'd never hurt her again. I wanted so badly to see you, to be able to be there for all of the moments that I missed with your sister. But now I know it wasn't meant to be. I can feel myself changing and I won't put you in danger."

Ashley eyes widened. How had her mother not known that her treatment for John's teleportation-induced brain damage didn't actually work? Unless, of course, he didn't want her to know…

"I don't want her to have to worry about me," John continued confessing to his son. "All of her attention should be on you and Ashley. It doesn't appear that there is a cure for me and I don't want her to waste any more of her life searching for something that doesn't exist. So I'll stay with you as long as I can – as long as you're safe – and then…I hope you always know how much I love you."

Oblivious to what his father was talking about, James had fallen asleep and John headed for the elevator so that he could return the baby to his bassinet. Ashley stayed in the corner in the hallway, her heart pounding. How could John even think of doing this to them, to her mother? How could he not know how important he had become to Helen – perhaps how important he'd always been? He claimed to love her, but was going to break her heart.

Another flash of memory came to her, of standing in that same lab and looking down at her mother as Helen desperately pleaded with her.

_Do you remember when you were small? You used to come into my room in the middle of the night. You'd crawl into my arms and you'd say, "Mummy, I'm afraid." Ashley, I'm afraid!_

At first, she didn't understand where this scene had come from in her life. What had she done to make her mother that upset, that frightened? Why would she do it? She saw some woman that she didn't recognize advance on her mother and reach to strike her, but Ashley stopped her. Her stomach dropped as she realized that she had to be remembering the attack on the Sanctuary. The look of desperation that she saw in Helen's eyes made her feel ill.

_Ashley, please…_

_Mom…_ she'd started, but had no idea what else to say. Was there anything to say that would somehow make all of this right? She hadn't been able to think of anything, so she turned away from her mother and did the only thing she could – protected Helen from herself and from the other woman she was holding off.

Ashley gasped as her mind returned to the present. She'd just remembered her 'death'! She wasn't sure how she knew that the memory was real, but she was certain that it had to be. She suddenly knew what her mother's love felt like, as well as her love for Helen in return - something she hadn't truly felt in the months since her return. More than that, though, Ashley remembered what it had been like to be so terrified that she would once again lose control of her own mind and body, that she was hurt or kill someone else. She had been fully prepared to forfeit her life in order to make sure that wouldn't happen, to save her mother and the Sanctuary. And now she could perhaps begin to understand the sacrifice her father felt he needed to make for his family's sake.

There was a difference between her situation and her father's, however. John still had some time left before he would be lost to the forces within his mind. And time meant that they could find some other solution.

They had to.

* * *

TBC...

**A/N: As always, thanks for the feedback! (Especially to those who diligently send a review with every chapter.)**


	21. And Lies

Helen was looking at one of the most amazing sights she'd seen in her two lifetimes – her toddler son was carefully making his way around her office on wobbly legs, investigating any item that had been left low enough for him to reach. He let out a little squeal of happiness as he poked at one of the paperweights on an end table.

_Children really are miraculous,_ she thought to herself as she watched. "James," she called to him. "Come here, love."

She was entirely unprepared to see the baby vanish into thin air with a red flash and reappear beside her a moment later. He reached toward her to get picked up, not having found anything unusual about his behavior. Helen just stared in shock. "James…"

"He is his father's son," a voice said, and she looked up to see John standing across the room. Ashley was beside him and – much to Helen's horror – her eyes had taken on the same orange hue that they'd had while she was under the Cabal's control.

"What have you done to them?" Helen asked him, lifting James into her arms as she stood up.

John laughed. "It's in their blood. YOU're the one who did it, Helen. You made them who they are simply by allowing them to be born."

She gasped as James suddenly disappeared from her embrace and reappeared next to his father. "John, please – "

"It's all on you, Helen," he told her before all three of them vanished.

* * *

Helen sat straight up in bed, her heart pounding as if she'd just run a marathon. _It was just a dream,_ she told herself as she started to calm back down. _Nothing but a dream…_

As she got out of bed, however, her heart rate increased once more. John wasn't beside her like he'd been when she fell asleep, and James' bassinet was empty. She quickly turned on the lights and looked around, but that only verified that she was alone in her bedroom.

Helen quickly pulled on a robe and headed down the hall toward her office. She could pull up the security system and check through all the video footage to see if they were still in the Sanctuary. _They have to be in the Sanctuary,_ she reminded herself. _The EM shield is always up during the night and the doors are alarmed._

As she rounded the corner, she came face to face with John and her sleeping son as they returned from their walk in the labs. She froze for a moment before relief flooded through her and tears spilled from her eyes. John was instantly concerned.

"Helen? What's the matter? Are you all right?" he asked, but she was too emotional to speak. He quickly took her back down the hall to their room, settled James in his little bed, and sat down with her. "What happened?" he calmly asked.

"I'm sorry, my hormones are a bit out of sorts at the moment," she quietly told him as she wiped at her still-leaky eyes.

"Where you were going, love?"

"I…I had a dream," she admitted, though couldn't look at him. "That you…that you and James and Ashley – you were all gone. And when I woke up…"

John sighed and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he held her and let her finish calming down. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want him to wake you, but I didn't think…"

"I need to run an analysis on his blood," she quietly told him. "We have no idea what he's inherited from us, no idea how much it's going to affect him."

"He'll be fine," John assured her. "Whatever the case, you'll do anything he needs."

"You don't know that," she argued. "You don't know that he'll be fine. He's going to be another target, in danger from anyone who wants to get to me. I was deluding myself when I thought I'd be able to do any better of a job this time in keeping him safe!"

"You could keep him here, in the Sanctuary," John proposed. "He can be schooled here and always kept safe indoors. To the outside world, it will almost be like he doesn't exist. And if no one knows he exists, then…"

Helen shook her head. "No, I can't. That isn't a life for a little boy. He deserves more than that, John. Just like Ashley deserved more than that."

He nodded in agreement, glad that she'd seen the ridiculousness of the suggestion. "You'll find a balance, Helen. Nothing in life is ever 100% safe, but…you'll do the best you can. You won't always be this afraid."

She looked over to where their son was peacefully sleeping, blissfully unaware of their concerns. "I love him so much already," she whispered.

John held her a little closer. "I know. So do I."

* * *

Helen knew that John stayed up most of the rest of the night, watching over her and James. By the time she awakened in the morning, he'd finally fallen asleep, exhausted. Helen decided to do the same favor for him that he'd done for her and take James out of the room so that the baby wouldn't awaken him. Additionally, she now had a chance to go to her office and check on the status of her Sanctuary without John pestering her about getting more rest.

She put James' bassinet at the end of her desk and logged in to her computer. Any messages from the other Sanctuaries should have been going to Will, who was Acting Head of the Old City facility for the next few weeks, but the other Sanctuary leaders knew her well enough to know that they'd better CC her on everything as well. She was halfway through the status updates when she heard a hesitant knock on her open door frame.

"Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy?" Ashley asked her mother as she came in the room.

"I feel perfectly fine, and had a few things that I wanted to attend to."

She raised an eyebrow. "And I'm assuming that John isn't supposed to know about this?"

Helen smiled. "Not if it can be avoided."

Ashley nodded. "You secret's safe with me, Mom."

Her use of that title for the second time got Helen's attention. "Do you know what you just said?" she asked her daughter.

Ashley frowned. "That I wouldn't tell John you were in here?"

"Well, yes, but you called me Mum." The younger girl's eyes widened. "You did it last night as well."

"I wasn't even thinking about it. I don't know, it just seemed…normal. Do you want me to stop?"

Helen gave a watery chuckle. "No," she told her daughter, "Never."

Ashley nodded. "Okay…Mom." They shared a smile at that.

"Did you need to speak with me about something?" Helen asked.

"Yeah… I know I don't understand medical stuff, so stop me if I'm way off base, but…could you use my DNA – whatever the Cabal did to me – in order to give John my regenerative abilities? So you don't have to worry about him getting messed up again from teleporting, I mean."

Helen frowned, perplexed. "His condition is being controlled. He's been doing fine for several months now."

"I know," Ashley tried to cover. "I just…I just want to make sure. I mean, you've all done so much for me and I figured maybe this was something I could do to help him. Just to make sure," she repeated.

Helen studied her for a moment; Ashley had never been able to lie very convincingly to her. Why would she suddenly out of the blue be worried about whether John was getting brain damage again from teleporting? Unless…

Unless she knew something that Helen didn't. She quickly got up from her desk. "Can you stay with James?" she asked her daughter.

Her eyes widened at the idea of being alone with the baby. "Wait, what am I supposed to do?"

"Nothing. Just stay with him." She then headed down the hall toward her bedroom.

John was still asleep, but the sound of the door slamming shut behind her woke him up. "Helen?" he groggily asked as he sat up.

She just glared. "You bloody liar."

* * *

TBC...


	22. Alternative

_**A/N: Many thanks to everyone for the feedback. It's been a much-needed bright spot over the past 2 days; my computer imploded and I've spent**** way too much time fighting with it. But story was not lost and I'll keep posting. :-)**_

* * *

Anyone in the main section of the house had been able to hear the door slam when Helen went to confront John. Ashley was amazed that she sound hadn't awakened James, but her brother had continued to slumber after only stirring slightly.

"What was that noise?" Will asked as he stopped in the doorway to Helen's office a few minutes later, having been working in his own office. "It sounded like it was down by the living quarters."

"It was," Ashley told him. "You don't want to go down there - trust me."

He frowned. "Why?"

"My mom was the one who slammed the door."

He raised an eyebrow; Helen was normally very even-tempered. It didn't take a genius to figure out what door had most likely been slammed, and therefore who she was angry with. "What did he do?"

Ashley offered him a tiny smile. "Let's just say that she's totally justified."

* * *

The short walk down the hall from her office to her bedroom had given Helen a couple moments to reflect on the situation she seemed to find herself in.

Over a hundred years ago, when John first began to realize that there was something 'wrong' and 'different' now that he had his abilities, she'd started trying to find a cure. Her own blood had seemed like a sound plan – something in her DNA made her cells continually regenerate in such a way that they always appeared to be the same. Doing the same to John would enable his body to continually repair the damage teleporting caused. It had taken her too long to realize that the serum didn't work the way she'd intended – her longevity had been passed on, but it had done little or nothing to cure him.

When she'd finally found out the truth – along with the details of what he'd been doing during the evenings they didn't spend together – she'd felt like someone had yanked a rug out from underneath her. How could she have been so blind about the man she loved and the father of her child? This, however, felt so much worse. This time, he'd decided not to come to her at all.

She knew that John had missed his last two monthly scans to ensure that the injections she gave him were still working. The first had been scheduled for a day that ended up being during a mission; she'd given him the injection anyway and he'd assured her that he felt fine. A month later, there had been some other excuse for why he didn't need the scan, and she hadn't thought anything of it since he'd still gotten his treatment and had continued to promise that there was nothing wrong.

He'd lied to her, purposefully, and she could hardly contain her fury at that notion. How far along the road to disaster had they already gone? How could he possibly justify taking this risk? What if he had slipped and done something to hurt their daughter – or her?

Silence fell in their bedroom after the echoes of the door slamming had faded. John sat up on the bed, confused and alarmed. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"You tell me, John," Helen replied as she advanced on him. "What's the real reason that you've avoided having a CAT scan over the last few months?" He sighed, realizing immediately that she'd caught him. And she knew it. "What were you going to do?" she asked. "Wait to tell me until after you'd already killed someone?!?"

He looked up, meeting her eyes. "I knew you would do whatever was necessary to prevent that from occurring."

She stared at him for a long moment, the full weight of that slowly sinking in. It took a lot of willpower not to slap him. "That is perhaps the most idiotic thing I've ever heard you say."

"Helen – "

"You miserable coward. Instead of coming to me, you were simply going to wait until I had to choose between your life and someone else's?"

"I've always been a coward, Helen; you've just refused to see it. At least this way you'd be safe from me."

"I've already tried to kill you once, John. It nearly killed me, too!"

He looked away. "I'm sorry."

"You bloody well ought to be! I raised our daughter alone by choice and necessity at the time. But I'll be damned if you're going to purposely leave our son without a father!"

"He'd be better off."

"Is that so?"

"It didn't work, Helen! In your lifetime, you've spent months looking for a viable solution and even now with the help of modern medicine, the best that you came up with still doesn't work."

"Then I'll try again!" she shot back. "As many times as I have to. In case you were unaware, 'the rest of our lives' is quite a long period of time!"

"So we spend the rest of eternity in this loop?" he asked. "Shock therapy followed by your next best guess for a treatment over and over again until you hopefully someday find the answer? I didn't want to put you through that…I didn't want to put myself through that. I've lived far longer than I was ever supposed to and seen things no man should."

She slowly nodded. "Then we only do it once. We'll fix the damage now and then…and then you never teleport again. It's the only way to ensure we don't end up in a loop."

He simply stared at her for a long moment, and she knew how big of a thing she was asking for. It would be like someone requesting that she never pick up a scalpel again – for better or worse, his power was a part of who he was. "I'd be useless to you for your work," he softly pointed out.

"You'd be alive," she replied. "And you'd be sane. Your involvement in the Sanctuary isn't very high on my priority list at the moment." He still hesitated; since his return, his ability to help the team by getting them in and out of any situation they needed had defined his place in the mansion. It was enough of a struggle for his 19th century sensibilities to be subordinate to Helen, as much as he loved her. If he couldn't make a meaningful contribution to her work…

Her anger faded some as she saw the indecision on his face, knowing what he was thinking of. "This is the only way to make sure that you'll be here for our children," she quietly told him, taking his hand. "And for me."

That reminder of everything that they had to look forward to was what he needed. "All right," John replied with a nod. "I'll do it."

* * *

TBC...


	23. Starting Over

First priority for the morning became getting John down to the infirmary for an examination. Gregory and Ashley split baby-sitting duty for James while the newborn's parents were otherwise occupied.

"How bad is it?" John asked as he joined Helen at the computer once the scans were finished.

"Not as bad as I had feared. I believe that one or two treatments may be all that you require."

"May I be so bold as to make two requests?"

She looked up at him, a slightly amused smile on her face. "You may make them; we'll see if I agree to them."

"Do the treatment all at once. I don't want to draw this out again. It's time to move on – for all of our sakes."

Helen slowly nodded. Now that her anger over his deception was dissipating, she could remember how awful the shock therapy actually was – not just to endure, but to watch. She knew that John had to be looking forward to it even less than she was. "Agreed. What else?"

"Wait a week before we do anything."

"John – "

"A week will not make a difference in my condition. The time that we have right now with our son is precious; I don't want you wasting it down here in the lab. We both need to begin to adjust to his presence in our lives."

"Seven days," she finally agreed, and he nodded.

"Thank you."

* * *

Both of them took full advantage of that week; by the time it was nearing its end, they'd discovered that James was perhaps the most easygoing baby either had ever seen. After only a couple days he was already sleeping four or even five hours straight at night and rarely cried. When he was awake, he would simply lay quiet and take everything in.

"He's nothing like his sister," Helen commented with a smile as she and John lay in bed with James cuddled between them.

"Ashley was a bit more demanding?" he asked. "I can't imagine."

She laughed at his sarcasm. "She refused to be put down anytime that she was awake. Not that I truly minded after waiting for her for so long, but…"

"It's hard to imagine she became such an independent girl."

"The day she learned to walk, no one could ever hold her again. She was always on the move from that point forward."

John chuckled. "Now THAT sounds like our daughter."

"Do you think about what his future will be like?" she quietly asked, looking down at James. The baby was blinking sleepily back up at them.

"I can picture him getting lost in your library," he replied with a smile. "Reading through books that are bigger than he is. He has a somewhat studious look to him, doesn't he?"

"Mmm," she agreed. "I could see him taking after James Watson…He'd be so proud if he could see his namesake. He loved just watching Ashley when she was a baby; he was probably trying to puzzle out what she was seeing and thinking."

John nodded. "I imagine that James is watching over him," he commented.

She smiled at that idea. "I hope so."

* * *

Helen was actually dreading the morning of John's treatment. She'd set everything up as carefully as she could, but something could always go wrong. And even if everything went perfectly right, she'd still basically have to watch the man she loved be tortured. It was going to be a long day.

She looked up from the preparations she was making in the infirmary at the sound of a quiet knock on the door frame. Ashley was hesitantly standing there.

"You're almost ready to start?" she asked her mother.

"Yes, in about half an hour."

Ashley nodded, though her eyes remained trained on the floor. "Should I stay?" she asked. "I mean…I didn't know if you ought to be alone."

Helen forced a smile. "Thank you, love, but I don't know if your father wants you to have to see him…We'll be all right ourselves."

She didn't have much choice but to accept that, but was still unsettled. "I...I wish I could do something."

"I know," she assured her daughter. "And if this plan doesn't work out, I may very well need your help. I'd rather not start fiddling with your father's DNA if I don't have to, though. The first time had unexpected consequences. We have no idea whether the more undesirable modifications that the Cabal made to your DNA would be passed to him as well."

Ashley nodded, grateful that most of her abilities had remained dormant since her return. "Yeah. This is definitely safer...You'll let me know when it's done?"

"I will," she promised with a small smile.

* * *

Later, as Helen sat in the lab watching over John during his treatment, she thought back on the conversation she'd had with her daughter. The fact that Ashley seemed genuinely concerned for her parents was extremely encouraging. She had learned a lot in the past few months about what exactly made up a person's essence. Regardless of what Ashley still didn't remember about her past, she was starting to become herself again.

Aside from all of that, however, her desire to be there to support her mother made Helen think about what their future would be like if John hadn't agreed to stop teleporting, if they had instead entered the 'eternal loop' that he'd spoken of. Her 'cure' for him had worked for less than a year, and there was no way to know ahead of time if her next idea would be totally successful, equally successful, or less successful. She would have to perform regular scans to verify that he was still healthy – she'd never let him get away with putting those off again – and they'd likely endure multiple repeats of the torturous ritual they were currently undergoing. She'd pointed out to him that their lives would encompass a very great amount of time, and the idea of spending it in this manner was daunting.

What effect would it have on her other work? On their relationship? On their children? Ashley was old enough to understand, but that didn't mean that she should have to. And James…James would grow up thinking that all of this was a normal way of life.

As she looked back over to where John lay, she could picture a tawny-haired little boy standing by the window, watching the procedure. _Will Daddy be all right?_ she could imagine him asking her.

What would her response be? _Yes, hopefully Mummy won't kill him in the process of trying to help him._

_Are you going to cure him for good this time?_

She wished that she could lie, wished that she could say, "Yes," but there would never be any guarantees. "I don't know," would forever be the only answer she could give him.

Helen sighed to herself. No child should ever have to deal with any of this. And God forbid that she should ever have to teach her son the signs to look out for that would indicate John was starting to lose control. Being his keeper was a solemn responsibility that even she didn't want; there was no way she could pass it on to their son.

The computer beeped as the treatment program finished and she got up from the desk. John was struggling to get his breathing and heart rate back under control as she entered the room, and Helen got some water for him.

"Déjà vu," he choked out after taking a sip.

She smiled slightly as she checked his vitals on the monitor next to his bed. "Indeed."

He offered her a small mischievous grin. "I would offer to continue to repeat history…but given my current state, I am uncertain whether I would be able to finish what I start."

Helen smiled. "That's quite all right; I've got a few weeks before I'm cleared for that sort of activity anyway."

"Mmm. Rain check, then."

Helen nodded and bent over to kiss him. "We have another chance at a fresh start now," she told him as they broke apart. "Thank you."

"I should be thanking you," he replied.

She smiled. "I suppose we're even, then. Get some rest; I'll be back in a little while."

* * *

TBC...


	24. Epilogue

John had just awoken from a nap when Helen returned a few hours later with James snuggled in her embrace. "I thought you wouldn't mind a visitor," she said with a grin as she sat on the bed with him. "Ashley said that she'll be up in a bit; she's doing something with Henry in the lab."

"She's becoming herself again, isn't she?" John asked.

Helen smiled. "I hope so. I think we just have to be patient a little bit longer." James cooed, looking toward his father. "You feel up to holding him?"

"I'll never be too tired for that," John replied. She gently transferred their son to his embrace and the tiny boy quickly settled down. "This was all for you," he whispered to the baby. "We're going to find a way to give you 'happily ever after'."

Helen smiled. "Or at least as close as anyone ever gets in reality," she amended his promise, reaching to let her son hold her finger. As she did, John noticed something on her hand.

"What's that?" he asked.

Helen looked down and smiled somewhat shyly as she fiddled with the engagement ring on her finger. "You don't recognize it?"

"Oh, I do," he assured her. "When did you start wearing it again?"

"Today…Do you have any objections to that?"

John shook his head. "None. I suppose the next thing we need to do is set a wedding date."

"I was thinking we could keep the same date as what we'd planned on 120 years ago," she suggested. "At least we know that neither of us will ever forget it."

"True…" He was silent for a few moments, thinking about what they'd been through a century earlier, and all the things that had happened more recently. "Do you realize that we did everything completely backward this time?"

Helen cocked her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well, instead of getting engaged, conceiving a child, and then having me descend into madness, we did it all in the reverse order."

She laughed lightly. "I suppose doing things the conventional way would be out of the question for us…Is there anything from this second go that you would change?"

John shook his head. "Nothing. The final outcome is perfect."

* * *

FIN.

_**A/N: Again, thank you to everyone who came along for this wild ride, and especially to those who sent feedback (it's not too late to join that club!) I've been kicking around ideas for a sequel, if anyone's interested in seeing that. Comments and/or storyline suggestions are welcome. :-)**_


End file.
